叹

闷闷的，没什么想说话...
就想到这里来了...
这个blog,与其说是blog
倒不如说是让我发发牢骚的秘密天地
原因就在没人知道这里
也只有在这里我才能真真切切的写出我的心声
更多的是一时的气愤

有时候看回自己写的东西
有点觉得自己好像太over了
不过却都没删除
想把在这里所有的点滴当作是一种心情成长的记录
很多时候都是在一气之下写的啊...
真的还挺火爆的脾气...>.<

常常试着想改变自己，
却又是三分钟热度
说了就忘，常常看了有意思的文章
下一秒就忘了警惕自己的东西...
睡眠不足真的令人的记忆力大幅度的退化＝＝

明天又要回去了...
算是我最能把真实的自己展示出的地方？
又或者是最让我想太多地方
呆在那总是有千万种情绪...
太过情绪化了吧我...>.<

想太多，一切都是想太多
想太多总能让我的有着千思万绪
前一秒开心欢笑，下一秒却孤单万分
感觉自己不重要？
自己被抛弃不被理解？
一切都是想太多...

放不下，还是放不下所有的东西
无论是家人还是朋友
总想把他们都带在身边
却又是多么不可能的事
人人都有自己的生活自己的事要做啊
每人像我那么空闲...

唉...又是一缕哀声的叹息...>.<

讨厌讨厌讨厌！

真的超讨厌的！
我真的应该听老师的话！
不要接任何有关相机的东西给别人！！！
可是这也不是我想借的！
我讨厌别人用了我的东西，没有善后！！！
现在这个三角架不是我的！
我的没那么脏！可是没人要承认！
我的不是这样的！
还弄不见之中的零件！
现在根本用不到了啦！！！！！！！！！！
要我怎么去拍照做assignment啊！
超讨厌的！！！！！

加油！

 最近真的累了，
没有那么多的力气
再去和你们玩同样的东西
也没有那么好心情
去和你们拐弯抹角...

我只想做好我自己
我不是来玩耍的
也没你们那么有天分
所以我需要付出更大的努力

也许我并没有想象中得
那么认真
至少，
我不随便

每当欣喜的以为
自己做的有多好多好
希望得到称赞时
总会有更好的出现
一次又一次的才发现
我的还是最差劲的

有点伤，淡淡的伤
没人理会却众所周知的伤

庆幸
还有其他的人在我身边
虽然不属于我
但，至少
偶尔重视我
至少
不会忽略我的存在

我
还是有我存在的价值
该是认真的时候了
也许早就该了
浪费了一学期
疯狂了几星期
是时候该定下来了

做回我自己
虽然不容易
但，不再需要阿谀奉承
耐心地做我自己
沉静的、沉稳的
一个不被察觉的角落
知道我的人
会看见我发光
而不在乎我的人
管他的...

18岁
漂亮的转折
一定要做得更好
虽然追不上成就
至少对得起自己
漂亮的十八
加油！

被催婚...T.T

最近都在忙着更新做assignment的两三个blog
都忘了这里了...>.<
过了很充实的一星期啊～
好多好多的功课堆积如山，都还没做完呢
不过还蛮喜欢的，至少不会无所事事没东西做...:D

简单的说一下上星期，
1。买了我人生中的第一家DSLR相机！终于有相机了！可是还没拿到，原本是上星期就能拿到的～结果竟然跟我来个no stock...==

2。期待已久的婚礼终于到啦～很喜欢参加婚礼的感觉，喜欢那种舒服，温馨也很幸福的感觉...^^,,,看着一对新人在进行着婚礼的仪式，感觉就很满足，很甜蜜...8D,,,这次托表哥结婚的福，让我有机会和很多好久没见面的亲戚聚在一起...尤其是外公，真的是一年只能见到他一次...>.<,,,不过，最好笑的是，外公竟然问我及时请他喝喜酒...==,,,汗到爆！我才刚开始我的大学生活，而且那么多个比我年长的表哥表姐他都不问，反而还叫我去把那些婚礼礼仪学起来，做记录，轮到我的时候可以用...=___='',,,真的是服了他的～张这么大还是第一次被催婚，我可才十八耶...lol...

3。星期六早上去了阿姨家参加了婚礼后，就去外公家，已经好几年没去了，这次有这个机会还蛮不错的，可是外公家离阿姨家好远...在外公家待到傍晚吃了晚饭才回，接着又去mid-valley，原本是要去meet我的堂哥【p/s超搞笑的，我们和这个堂哥（我的堂哥，我哥的堂弟）住同一个地方，从我家去他家10分钟就到了，结果在我们那个kampong小地方都很难见得到面，上来KL反而一起出去>.<】,结果我堂哥不会去，又绕到damansara去找他，结果他要去sungai wang...晚上八点多，我们就这样四个人去town,还不认路＝＝,,,最气人的是去到parking好后，全部店都关了，要去茨场街也不认路，结果吃了一餐McD就回了～花了几个小时兜兜转转｛来回｝，就只吃了一餐McD。。。哈哈～还差点要推车回～不过那天真的是超好玩的！早上十点多出门就一直出去到一点才回到我宿舍这里...

4。隔天就是我最期待的天啦～我姐姐，姐夫，妹妹和我最最最爱的外甥因为要上来喝喜酒所以顺便来我这里看看~轩轩啊～阿姨超爱你的！哈哈～我们家轩轩真的是超帅的！小平头配粉红色polo shirt 和长裤～超像小大人的...^^,,,不过喝完喜酒过后，要回的时候跟轩轩byebye的时候看他快哭了,,,我的心都快碎了...真的超级想念他的！

又开始了新的一个星期，新的希望新的期待
希望一切都会更顺利更美好吧！～加油咯，为了我的每一天！～^^

Have fun...^^

Soooooo tired today
and more accurately...so tired this few weeks...
after the 2nd semester was started,our gangs got activity on every week,,,==
celebrating birthday,eating,and today just went for ''Chiong K''~
It has been so long time din go sing K but today!
Sing many songs today and ok lah the atmosphere...
I think all have fun but quite tired while singing and crazying for about 4 or 5 hours...==

And today,one of the important day to be record in my life...
I have paid the deposit for my first ever Canon EOS DSLR camera...
although it's for study usage but finally I can own a camera myself
But it was expensive like hell!LOL...
Will get the camera by this Saturday and I hope every things goes smoothly and I can take good care about it...
Quite a burden for me to own a DSLR actually but it's for the studies so just let it be...
hope I can find my interest in photography soon....XD

exhausted

So tired today...
finally settle down my new blog...
opened 2 new blog in three days...
but not for fun is for the coursework need...
damn tired doing this...
but luckily,,,I love blog than writing essay...
quite enjoy doing this and hope that it really work for me...
From now on, I have to write 4 blogs ...
although I have more than 4 blogs....>.<
but most of them didn't get my attention and some of them almost never be write...>.<
but this 4 blogs include this one are those I gonna manage it well
It record all my secret and feeling...
I would be busy like bee after this
aikzz....
Hope can get good rest and back to the right position of me...:)

It was so boring...

It was too boring nowadays...
wondering what can I do...Bored till die...
It's always so free and boring when starting new semester but when it gonna end...
busy like hell...all assignment giving at same time...
Not got time to done it well also...
But now...damn free,,,
Don't know what can I do for now...
suppose to be more hard-work a bit...
but just seem like nothing can do...
aikzz....

Since we had saw almost all the lecturer and tutor, it just give me a feeling that this semester won;t be so easy to pass it well...
Especially computer graphics, a lecturer with Dr. and PhD.,sure not so easy to get over her...But , I think we can learn many things from her professional...
Starting two new blog this few days...
One is for the CG assignment group blog and one is for my own...^^
another blog...XD
Maybe it can be manage well and share it to other...
this one got too many secret so it just better being hidden all the times~

Didn't plan to share out the group blog at first because lecturer haven't ask us to do so
and I afraid that it will be copied by others...
but my group mate share it out on Facebook and now everyone SAW already...
I can't changes nothing already so just let it be...
I really don't like other ape anythings from mine...
So, you better don't do like that,,,
but all my group mate didn't have blog before and just start to use it and one of them copy all what I had put into the group blog to her blog already...>.<
Since she was the group member, I forgive her...
And now the blog is open to everyone already...
To prevent any plagiarist ,I need to find out more and more interesting and new things to make my blog different than others...
I just don't like be the same as other...
Good luck for me...=)

Is October....~~

yoohoo....October ad loh...
finish my semester break and starting my new semester...
One words that come across my mind is ''better''...
I hope my new semester will be a better journey for me to go...
and hope all the things will be better especially myself...
my attitude towards my study and also get along with friends better...
Hope that all will be better...^^
but the most important thing is to treat myself better...^^
try to change my bad habits and make myself healthier...

This semester is a ''must be spend'' semester...>.<
We have to spend many many money in this semester and it gonna be expensive...
T^T...the DSLR camera...RM2000-RM3000...
not yet tell my dad although I told him something related to this before...
but really need to have the courage to tell my dad about this...
Have to get whole set by week 4th...
Haiz,,,call my dad tomorrow...hope that he wont scare by the prices...
To get a DSLR,,,quite a confusing feeling...
I wish to get one and expect to learn photography well...
but the problem is that it is too expensive than what I can afford....
and also...I afraid that after I get a DSLR I cant take care of it well...
I cant imagine that if any part of the camera spoil or crash...
where can I get the money to repair it?
But I didnt have the confidence to take good care about it...lol...
forget about it first...

Today, once again make me feel so warm and so lucky to have those friends...
My birthday video is out and it make me remind what they have done for my birthday and it was so touching....
I felt very happy and graceful every time I saw somethings related to my birthday and when I remind it....
Really good friends I met...
and also once again,,,,Thank You all...^^

1st sem of Uni life is over...^^

yup,,,just come back from the last exam paper,,,
finally all is finish...
there goes my  1st 14weeks of Uni studies
so much difference before and after 14 weeks ...
but fortunately...quite good for it...
Not any special feeling towards finish the exam and start my semester break...
Not so happy as other,,,maybe cause of I didn't get to go back home this semester break...
But more accurately,,,maybe I am just too tired facing this exam...hehe...
but I think there is not reason for me to be happy with it...

18's here I am...come to this world 18th years loh...
really grow up a lot...from baby to school and till now in a Uni...
although there are much more sad memories or bad things happened...
I'm still appreciate it very much...
I wonder why I will be with a tinge of emotion when everytime facing the ''end''...
End of anythings...maybe just too sensitive...or think too much...
but quite grateful this time...yup,,,1st semester is over,,,
time for me to rest to regain my energy and also find back the original intention towards why I was here and also repacked myself to start all again with fresh new minded...

I hope I will be more hardworking and also more concentrate in my next study
Hope that I can understand well and try harder to learn all the things with full motive power...and live better for my life...
All is going better and well soon...^^
God bless everything...:D

here come again that feeling...

here come again that feeling...
the stressful feeling of living with those city citizens...
not because of their attitudes
but just the self-competition mentality of myself...
It was not that I want to competitive with them...
but it is easy to see how far our level different from...
quite stress every time when seeing or knowing their level...
whatever in any aspects...
everytime saw their works and coursework...
make me to have a guilty consciences and lacking in confidence...
and one important things is the ability of language...
all come from english speaking society and know lot of things except me...
the one who from small town....
didnt dare to speak also...when compare their works and essay with mine...
is just like a worlds apart different...
they good in chinese and malay too...and me...
only know the mother tongue...
I choose myself for this course and I nearly forget why I choose this...
and the most important things is that I din take serious at any class and exam...
I dont know why I become like this and I really hate this...
when u know the difference but didnt work harder to catch up with it...
ya,,,that is me,,,keep on repeating the same fault even though I know and I hate it...
Why I just be like this?I really Hate myself for become like this...
but keep on giving myself excuses that I got not method to solve it...
Damn myself,,,...I hate me so much...

tiring on answer question...

after update the passed few days...now is the present tense...>.<
I've been answer lotsa lotsa of question this few days...
from the day that i told them that we can start to do our subject registration...
lots of question appear...and almost all are the SAME...
I've using whole afternoon and night to answer the same question...
and yet some more question from that I've been answer many time before this,,,
about the MLA journal,,,everyone were asking the same things...
and those things already have many many answer and many many of us have explain on facebook or anywhere else...
why dont u go and search it and wanna ask again?
I'm just really really tired on answer it,,,,
Comeon frenz,,,this century this world got a very useful invention called searching engine and also internet...why cant u all get the answer urself?
I get the answer from thr too...
or some...asking the stupid question...
''ei,,,how u think the lecturer will mark us ah?''
''ei,,u noe how to do?then i just follow u huh...''
''why mine one so many copy and paste de''
=____+
wth is it....how I know leh har?
first,I'm not the lecturer...
2nd,,,I thought I'm the one who pay least attention when class?
and last...ur work wor...how i noe?
searching source of reference sure got many copy and paste lah...
or how we answer wor?
I don't close with ZhangYiMou also...how I wrote his biography?
lol....

Are they too innocent or I was too clever?
use some simple thinking to think about it then got answer ad lah...
First i wanna say is that,,,I'm not so lansi or arrogant to answer u-all's question...
I'm really willing to help u-all and I'm just vry easy going to be frenz
and I will treat all my frenz well...
but sometime...people got emo time and also frustrated time also...
I need to do my work also and why don't u-all find the answer urself or just apply some simple thought?

Yet, I'm still answering what u-all have ask...>.<
but next time...pls...don't ask so many question,can?...>.<
I'm not the good student or who the lecturer dote the most...
lecturer dont know who am I also...and I just submit my work...
Lecturer havent mark also...he din say mine one is correct also...
why u-all seem like mine one sure correct and good one and keep asking how to do...
what to do if I'm wrong?
u-all wanna blame me? or never believe me again?
I din tell u to follow mine also wor...>.<
Am I look like the machine for answering question?
why all my frenz from each category like to ask me question although I'm just the simplest student and din done work well...
My understanding better than u-all or what reason ya?
I really dont know...>.<
Not every things I know...so dont ask me any of relevant or irrelevant question can or not?
I'm not the god also...how i know how to answer u?
google it lah...I use google to find ur asnwer also de...>.<
Give me some space can or not?pls lah...>.<

nearly die on the way back home...

more than 10++ days din update...
but suppose to be many things to talk about at here...
due to laziness?or maybe some other reason...i'm just too tired to type it out here...
login here a few times before this,,,but just logout again and tired to share...
and now...for what i wanna update before...almost forget all...
Firstly,,,what make me here today to update is that
I can now officially announce that,,,ya,,,I have been fully replaced...
yup,,,no more space for me to stay...but at least din got the girl's pics thr,,,or i will be really depressed...
no because of what,,,just because of we r frenz and i thought we r really good frenz,,,
but all is passed...really dislike the feeling of being forgotten or replace...
not because any extraordinary feeling towards anyone...but just i dun like my things being snatch by other...no matter what is it...
i admit that i'm really petty...
i dun like to be a loser or i dun like the feeling of  lose and lost...
maybe i just over sensitive towards this kind of things so just let it be...
I don't wanna care anymore...

for the passed 10++ days,,,i just rmb that I've go my bro thr and then we go back home...
my nephew was so happy to see me as same were I..
but he sudden say that,,: "mummy open laptop and saw me on thr"
he just almost thinks that,,,his aunt---me,,,were only can be seen from the monitor...
his words quite hurt me and make me felt sad about that,,,
I'm really sorry about leave him for so long time and din find him...
this time goin home had done many things that i wish to done before...
get the chances goin out with my family since we've been long time didnt goin out tgt...brought new shoes finally,,,meeting my secondary schoolmates,,,eat many things that i wanna eat before...^^
quite satisfied for this time trip back to home...

but the same problem occur again...when me and my bro back from our hometown...
the car got problem again...and it just seem like crazy car on the way...
160km/h we drove from near pagoh to melaka...or the car will stop thr and cant start engine anymore...
fortunately...we successfully reached melaka's car workshop and safely return here...
and there again the problem threatening me and my bro's life...
and one things that make me angry till fell like curse that stupid malay babi is that
when our car is just like goin crazy and we have to drive as fast as we can so that we wont die on half-way,,,and we were already open the double-signal light,...
many cars have give way to us to pass,,,but that stupid malay babi,,,my bro ad using the high light flash to give him signal and also horn for long time...he DUN WANT TO GIVE WAY TO US!...he saw our signal ad but he just done it purposely coz i can saw him from the window that he had saw us but just purposely wanna holding us at his back and dun let us pass him with that lansi face!!
I was really really angry and HATE anyone that dont care about me and my family safety!
at that time too...got a Perodua Kancil in front him and that kancil saw us ad and he/she wanna give way to us so he/she light up his/her left-signal light and when that Kancil wanna move to the left...that stupid malay babi sudden speed up and move to the left to overtake the Kancil...and then back to the way front of us!!!!! It just almost crash that Kancil!...
WHY...I really dun noe why he saw our double signal and HE DUN WANT give us a way to go but still doing so lansi thing?!!!!
I told u,,,is luckily me and my bro can safely back here...if anything happen that day on the way...Ｉ ＷＩＬＬ ＮＥＶＥＲ ＦＯＲＧＩＶＥ ＴＨＡＴ ＰＩＧ！...
but still now although we were safe,,,I wanna CＵＲＳＥ him and all his family on his car that days going to hell soon!!!!!

I'm just really really hate that anyone that harm me and my family safety!
If u harm me only,,,okay...there will be nth...but pls dont do that to my family!
My family is ALL to me...is just damn important to me and i wont allow any of u to hurt them or even injured them!!!
when u do like this,,,have u even think of ur own family?they just in ur car...if ur car broke also one days on the way...and we do the same thing on u,,,WHAT WILL U FEEL?
pls,,,use ur brain before u do anything!...because I believe in faith...U sure will get back what U have done one day...if u dun want other treat like the way u dislike,,,,dun do like to others TOO!

不甘心...为什么总是被取代

被取代的感觉真的不好受
不知道为什么，就像我哥说的
有种不甘心的感觉...真的没有想过
为什么，我们家的人总是比别人差
并不是人格上的差异，而是在做任何事情和物质上的差异
别人轻而易举就能做到就能拥有的东西
我们总是要花上很久的时间，费心费力的也只得到了那一点
是我们的命运吗？为什么总是那样？？
我哥不甘心不服输的是，为什么别人不需要付出努力
或是任何代价就能轻易的拥有自己的车，自己的事业，自己的产业
而我们总是在付出了很多很多的努力在很久很久之后才有二手的
他不甘心为什么我们拥有的东西总是二手的

而我，我不甘心是因为为什么每次在我付出了很大很大的努力
很用心很用心做到自己自以为很不错很满意的东西的时候
别人总是做得比我好...就算只是轻而易举的去完成...
天份，我讨厌这东西！
它重来就没在我身上出现过！
每次在我对自己的作品或某些事感到很满意时
一看见别人的作品马上心碎...我做的是什么啊...
比较起来根本什么也不是，只是在他们其中最基础最普通的
就和我的人一样，往往是最普通最容易被遗忘的那个
我讨厌在我付出了很多很多的时候并不被珍惜
因为根本没人觉得你是好的
也许对他们来说根本不算什么
我是多么认真的把你们当真心朋友对待
然而我的位子却又是那么轻易的被取代
我讨厌那感觉！超讨厌！...
在我费尽心思的想让大家熟悉点
让班上的同学都认识，都做朋友
然而，这点是做到了
之前所谓的不同region的朋友，现在大家都互相认识了
也比较有话题了
而我却被取代了...
曾经每一个region都是我混到最熟，跟他们最好
然而，好心的希望大家都认识热闹点，介绍多点朋友给大家认识
得到的下场时，他们各自变熟了，而我被遗忘了
我就这样竟然成了和他们最不熟悉的那个...
这就是我的命？从以前到现在一直都那样...
那感觉真的不好受，
看着自己的地位和待遇，以前发生在自己身上的事
一模一样的发生在另一个人生上
对象却不是我...超失落超失望的...

从来就没有人想过我的感受也没有人想要了解过我的感受
我是多么的希望被人看穿我的懦弱，然而有从来没有人重视过我...
这就是我们的命运...永远的老二...总是被人排在最后...
从没有被聚焦过...
唯一的那一点渴望那一点渴求
也只能随着时间慢慢的让自己淡忘
因为它不曾实现过...

你真的不知道你的一个态度可以伤我很深...

here come the lazy bug...

stop for a week[?] for not update...
lazy again...lol
ok,,,summary this week...
1st,,,for what i'm doing when going back hometown...
actually spend whole my day with the cute cute baby...XD
xuanxuan not only know how to sing and dance sorry sorry+nobody...and lot of child song...he know how to sing ''对面的女孩看过来'',,,so cute nia...^^
he even go take the racket and turn it up and down to become a guitar for him to play...lol
what a cute 2 years old baby,,,ah yi so love u!!!^^
but now,,,xuanxuan know may words already,,,cant stop talking all the times...
superly noisy,,,haha...sometimes being ''shoot'' by his words...really great at talk back...>.<

the next things is....the common problem!
my dear 930 broke again when me and my bro bring along his girlfriend went to bukit jalil...
old master of our family ah...obedient sikit,k?
dont always has so many problem...fetch me back safely and smoothly can or not har?LOL...

this week,,,spend all my time for doing the mla assignment and vrc assessment...
lots of things need to do...and luckily...I finished all of that and submit all already,,,
really superly happy when all the coursework which left a long time with me had submitted!
and the most happy things was when the assessment day,lecturer say i can design also...
he quite like my sketch and design...he say nice design,,,i can design well....
woohoo....damn happy foe hearing that!
at least,,,I still got a bit talent that other can identify...>.<

quite relax after submit all the coursework and really free this few days,,,
spend all my times on fb only...especially bejeweled...XD
go KFC for dinner on friday, and found that there got a stall selling porridge,tongshui and snow ice!...finally i can find out a bit chinese cuisine here...T.T
and we went for it yesterday...XD,,,afte having dinner....go for the dessert,,,
but i think he put too much coconut milk...too sweet.....>。<
other quite ok...

that's all for this week i think...
nth special had happen...
just very very busy then very very free...swt...
almost finish my 1st trimester already...
so fast ah,.,,a bit scary for the time past so fast...
and quite no willing to pass it so fast....
a bit missing this sem...>.<
hope all will be fine the times after bah...
good luck to me and all my friends~

and one thins happen in this week is just there are a small and invincible changes between all the friends...
no only me and that 2ppl...but also between me and others and them with others...
but i think quite ok,,,at least not the bad things happen...
is just me and the girl gangs become quite close ad and them and some of the boys become quite close also...and all of us become merrier and closer...
the word closer is for many one but i think not for me and that one...
coz seem like quite long din chat and din talk much no matter when...
and he become very polite to me...that's the things that i cant get used...==
whatever how i putting a joke on him or what...he just smile only...
maybe coz of thr have other ppl in the situation or maybe long time we din gather...>.<
coz seem like we just found our own gangs ,,,and get closer toward it...
anyway...still ok lah...maybe is just about the time we get in the right place or maybe thr will be lot of misunderstanding happen....
but the chemistry quite weird between us...>.<
I am too over sensitive or wrong detect or really like that?
I'm not sure also...LOL
maybe confused by the horoscope...==
hope nth bad will happen lah...we r always friend...^^

self-introduction...XD

sudden feel so much like to post this out...XD
My self-introduction...>>>

ya ya...as u known...[if u know me in reality]
I just like to teasing ppl around...XD
Just try to be as naughty as I can or life will be too bored if all ppl are too obedient...I'm the special case...XD
Most of time is just kidding...if u get hurt from my words...
I'm sry coz I just want to say out what in my mind...
I just don't want to be too complicated...trying to speak the truth and having fun in this fake polite world...
But if you are really close enough with me, I'm sure you know what kind of ppl am I...and I'm sure you know most of the critic were just kidding...XD
Maybe u think i'm impolite...sry,that's just my own way to live...
It is better for me to be like that than being affectation
If you cant accept this...just ignore me...I din ask to to pay attention on me also....>.<

and sometime...

I'm smile din mean that i'm happy and i din smile also not mean that i'm trouble or angry...
No one smile all the time ...if like this,his/her life will be vry tired...XD
sometime it just nth to display...everyone need his/her own space to rest and breathe also...
So,don't simply to guess what I'm thinking about...bcoz no one will noe except me---myself...


from above maybe u will think that I'm swagger...
yes!sure I am...but that is just my own way to live...the characteristic of my family...^^
my family just a bit extraordinary...and that's why we are special and many other think we are special too..>.<
I'm just like to persist in my own ways...Live out my own formula!
all of the ppl in this world nowadays is just too fake...
all live themselves under the same scheme they been giving...
why dont u be special a bit ?
arent life will be very bored if everyone is just like that?


The other things about me,I think i not need to talk much about this...
coz as u known...if U are following this blog...
I;m sure u noe....I'm just an emotional ppl...
I do my things and write any of my emotion as what I feel and what i thought right away...
sometime it would be really sad and emo...but sometime is just like really shine and optimistic...
that is me...unpredictable...multi-emotion ppl...XD...
I thought it is enough for you to know me as you finish reading this,,,
If u are now reading this...thx so much for pay attention on what I write...
and I hope this is enough for u-all to know what kind of ppl am I....XD

I HATE! I HATE! I HATE!!!!!!!!!

SUPER DUPER DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!
I JUST HATE THAT WHEN U REALLY VRY TROUBLE ABOUT SOMETHING THEN THAT IS SERIOUSLY WILL CAUSING LOT OF PROBLEM IF CANT FIND SOLUTION BUT THE OTHER THAT U ASK FOR HELP JUST SEEM LIKE NOT THEIR MATTER!!!!!!!!!!!!
IS THEIR FAULT FOR DIN COMPLETE IT BUT THE ONE SUFFER IS ME!!!!!!!!! ME!!!!!!!

RM8000,,,U WANT PAY FOR ME IS IT?
NO ONE TAKING SERIOUS ABIOUT THIS!
BUT IF I FAIL TO GET THE LOAN....U NOE HOW MUCH I NEED TO SUFFER?!
SEND TRHOUGH THE SUOER DUPER DAMN SKYNET  CARRIER SERVICE...
''NEED ONE DAY ONLY THEN WILL ARRIVE AD''...
FUCK UR SHIT!
4 DAYS AD AND IT SEEM LIKE DROP INTO THE SEA!
NOT ANY NEWS!!!!!

IS ALREADY RUN OUT OF TIME.....THEN ASK THE ONE WHO SEND TO ME CALL THE SKYNET OFFICE AND ASK DUE TO I'M THE CLASS ,CANT CALL...
WHAT THE FUCK I GET FROM THIS.,..JUST NOW I'M STILL SLEEPING O...DIN HELP U ASK...THEN I ASK AGAIN....THEN U HELP ME CALL NOW LOH...I'M STILL IN THE CLASS....ANOTHER FUCK A GET ....I DIN ASK O...U ASK URSELF LOH...!!!!!!
~!@#$%^^&*
WHAT TIME AD?OFFICE CLOSE AD AND I NEED THAT IMPORTANT DOCUMENT WHEN EARLY IN THE MORNING OF  WEDNESDAY...BUT NOW IS MONDAY NIGHT!!!!!MY POST HELD IN BRANCH...
SOMMORE ASK ME TO SKIP CLASS TO TAKE MYSELF...
HOW I GO THR?WALK?WHAT THE FUCKING CRAP U STILL TALKING?
U THOUGHT HERE IS THE KAMPONG WE LIVE OR WHAT?
HERE IS SELANGOR...HOW BIG IS IT U NOE?
HOW I  NOE WHR THE OFFICE AND WHICH BRANCH MY STUFF STUCK AT?

WHAT MAKE ME REALLY SUPER DUPER ANGRY IS JUST THOSE FUCKING PPL IS THOSE WHO CALL FAMILY...
THAY ALL NOE HOW IMPORTANT IS THE DOCUMENT AND WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF I DIN RECEIVE TMR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!BUT WHAT THE ANSWER THEY GIVE ME?
THEY JUST LIKE THT IS UR BUSINESS...NOT MINE...IF U DIE THEN THAT IS URS PROBLEM....NOT MY BUSINESS....
I'M REALLY REALLY HATE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

不是每个笑容都是快乐的。。。

不是每个笑容都是快乐的...
也不是每个笑着的人都是开心的...
有时候笑容，只是一种形式上的礼仪...

raining inside..

suppose to be a simple and plain day...
but smile quite much through out the day...
just to make myself more cheerful...
but...before end of the class today,,,
the short film...short briefing comment on that film make me emo...
tears rolling again...but not as much as last time...
the video's name is MAMA...
the words i scare the most...
actually it was in a foreign language and not have any subtitles...
and i dun know what is trying to represent in this video...
but after watching it...the lecturer explain to us,,,
I didnt pay full attention at all....so dont know much about it also...
but sudden...he sudden link to a question...
who miss their mum home-cooked meal...
i thought he want to ask us who miss their mum...
and my heart shiver after hear that question...
it just like a auto action...I didnt know why it will like this also...
after coming here....I think I become weaker...
become more easier to miss something,someone...and easier to cry...
trying to make myself a bit calm and it was success...
but after this...the lecturer ask the question that i thought he ask just now...
who miss their mum now? I think everyone is missing their mum now...
and those guys...who are plan to back hometown today....i think all
start acting...shouting''oh mum...mama...''
quite hurt u know for hearing this?
but they just dont know that my mum had passes away long time already....
cant blame them also...
but for those who know...shouting ''oh mum,,,i gonna back to find u already...''
this make me more sad...
and just remind me something....
in this world really NO ONE WILL CARE FOR WHAT U FEEL,COZ EVERYONE JUST CARE ABOUT THEMSELVES...EVERYONE IS just too SELFISH!
and of course....human is just made to be selfish in this reality world...
one and one time hurting me...
luckily...i didnt do some embarrassing things in the class....
the class is over after that...
walking back alone with the injured heart...
no one know how much I wish there will be someone appear in front of me...
huging me and comfort me...but there just no one...
always no...no even have any before...
sometime I enjoy walking alone in the nice windy weather...
coz i love wind...it make me feel more comfortable and natural...
the nice weather will make me really happy all the day but not for today...
with the raining's heart...
no one know how much I wish there is someone will see through me...
knowing what I'm craving for and how i feel...
I just keep pretending..camouflage that I'm a optimistic person...
just for do not let other know what am I actually is...
even through my own family dont know what I actually feel and act also...
not to mention are friends...
I still cant find out the one who will expose my weakness and make me comfortable with him/her...the one who can let me put down my mask show my true personality with...
is it so difficult to find that one?maybe...
Haiz...single also not a fault..
single also very good one...
I prefer to stay single always instead of cant find that one really understand me...
it is better than finding someone no really have true feeling with to replace...
no one can replace anyone in one's heart...
u will only hurt someone if u finding someone to replace the important person in ur heart....
sometime....walking alone is not a bad thing....

happy belated 18th to myself ^^

yea yea~~that day finally coming...
my first ever and only once 18th birthday...
also didn't expect too much on it before...
but have a really surprise ^^
although i knew it long time before but just pretended that I dont know...XD
[sometime pretend dont know everything is good...at least,,,other people will be happier :D]
but really thx all my beloved friends!
really love u-all...
actually all part is quite happy and good....except for trying to pair me up with that one i really dislike but birthday fall on same day with me...>.<
dont like to see those pics also...
all is good but that part,,,,and pls...stop pairing me up with anyone...
I'm really hate it,,,

back to the topic...
for some details...
have a free lunch meal and free movie on the day before my birthday...
thx to the 2 guys...the 2 friend that I always sticking with...
and is the best friends among all the friends I recognize in MMU I think...[but just seem like wanna losing them ad,...==]
we watched INCEPTION on that day...
nice story but i think a bit bored at the starting part of the movie...
after movie section...just walking around alamanda only...
I know that two of them trying to find a present to buy for me and that one born on the same date with me...
but alamanda nothing to buy de lah...bored place...XD
seeing them walking and passing around those shop and keep chit-chating
quite funny but I just pretend that I dont know what happen...
I just dont want to disappointed themXD
and in nite of the same day ...
around 11.30pm...quite tired ad...and I know they wanna coming celebrate with me although they didnt say to me...but credit to me clever,I knew it lah....XD
one of them trying to cheat me through msn...
pretending asking me havent go sleep ah?not tired meh....
then for his fun...I told him I wanna sleep ad loh...
and he seem like a bit shock and keep asking me dont want sleep earlier since I never sleep so early...
but after that...really tired and sleep for a while...
one of my friends from hometown calling me when about 11.55pm...
I've really forgot does I heard the ringtones of my phone and when I start answering her call==...
didnt remember what she told actually...XD...wake up from sleep sure blur a bit...
then another call from fongfong...ask for mann ee no. from me>.<
what a day and time...wanna coming ad stil ask for no. of those who wanna coming also from me...
although I knew u-all will coming ad...but dont like that lah,not surprise ad...XD
another call from that one who wanna cheat me before...
pretending wanna wishing me hapy birthday instead of waking me up from sleep...XD
then...receive a call from mann ee...
asking me wanna yumcha or not...
sure i say want then she ask me to go down now....
I just reply my FB comment 1st for about 5 min only...
then another call asking me open the door....XD
although knew ad they will come...
but when I open the door and saw so many ppl outside summore singing happy birthday song to me....
really surprise and touch leh....^^...love it...:D
happy happy....^^
then we just cut the cake[the part i hate the most],play with cream,chatting,and recording video for the K.F.C fanclub...XD
quite funny....^^
after this take some photo of all of us....
really appreciate these pics....^^love it so much...XD
about 2.00am....we go yumcha at the mamak shop outside my house...
and nothing much to say actually...haha
quite bored since all of us not actually vry close...XD
I'm quite close with each lah..but them din so close with each other.,...
and going back about 3.00am....
online!~~~XD...reply all my FB birthday wishes~
really enjoy it....^^ about 100++ wishes....happy....^^
and have a class the next morning...
all are damn tired when in class...XD
and although din have any celebration on the whole day...
coz here is really nth can play...>.<,,,
but they keep wishing me happy birthday and I'm really touching...^^
last...thx all my friends for the surprise party and all wishes get from u-all
thx also for those who write their wishes on my Fb wall...
really happy and Thx u-all...
I'm really appreciate all of u since I'm really treasure all my friend especially those who appreciate me also XD
hope all of us just getting closer and closer and are best friends forever!
I love u all^^

18th...quite a significant age for the young like us...
thx for giving me a special and unforgettable 18's birthday...<3

one more day...

one more day to reach that scary day...>.<
really scare now...
dont noe what will happen...
actually...tmr,,,dun feel so much like to go out instead of so many assignment are waiting for me...
but since they ask me out and i say yes ad...now cant change anything...
hope tmr will be a better day for me...
and yet...hope all is going smooth tmr...the situation and environment not will be so awkward
and boring...
GOD bless me...


and one more things...
that ppl...i dont know what u taking me for...
and really cant understand what u r thinking...
just hope that we r frenz...forever...vry goodfren,,,
sometime just wanna kidding with u and pls dun be so serious or pls dun so easy believe in what i said...
most of the time...is just kidding...dont angry and dun be petty,k?
i dun noe what u r thinking...but really hope that u din take it serious...

ya,,,one more question...r my face look like play-girl or easy fall in love with?
why from primary school till now in Uni ad...
for those who r opposite sex with me and have a good relationship and conversation with me..
those guy...always been teasing by their frenz or some more teasing me also...
why they so easy thought that those crush on me?
quite a trouble for me,,,and mayb cause of it...
it make a wrong impression for other about me...
and it consequently causing me being single till now...
not even have any...>.<
sometime,,,it just really ridiculous and i'm already vry sick of it...
nth to comment and nth to say anymore...
even for those the malay classmate...
not even talk b4 except for Fb chatting...
his frenz thought that he crush on me pula...T.T
tired...really tired about it...

GOD...my DEAR GOD...
if YOU really love me and hope i'm being love by someone...
pls just sending me the right person...one is enough only...
I just need ONE...who really love and care me superly...

expect?no...

countdown-ing my birthday...
still got 7 days to go...
but the feeling keep come toward me is just scary...
keep remid myself that don't expect too much on it...
because no one will remember it...
if they remember or they know that that day is my birthday
the most i will get is also only a happy birthday greeting...
maybe I just cant let it go...
really hope that have someone or somebody can celebrate with me
and giving me present,,,
but it never happen...
that is not a tradition for my family to celebrate birthday...
so...never have expection from there...
but friends,,,just always didnt take it serious...
it was said we are good friend or best friends or whatever...
but I'm just that who always being forgetted one...
what kind of life does I have...
never,,,not seem like never,,is really never have anyone celebrate with me...
the DAY keep coming closer,and I'm getting more and more emo...
really hope that i can totally forget that day...
it is better for me to take it just like a simple day than my birthday...
present...i really like it,,,no matter what u give me...
the most important things for me is just the intention or more in more proper saying...
the appretiation of u-all toward me...
keep asking myself dont expect too much and dont have any expection...
but dunno why it just keep appearing on my mind,,,==
haiz,,,,

1st of August...I will remember this day always...

The 1st day of August...

suppose to be a very hapiness and shine month...

but my friend leave me on this day...

the start of the new month...and she will leave later...

so much memory between us and the campus life...

I'm sure u will live better after u go penang...

but for me...I need to continue my life in the same environment with all ours memories around...

so often wil miss u when i saw or think about something that we do together before this and now...

less one...

This two month...although just two month...

so much memories between u and me...

more than the 10  years we know each other...

really hope that we can graduate together after 4 years...

but now...only 2 month...u leave ad...

although i'm sad...but still hope u can get whatever u want...

and I really hope that I can get usual of all of this and just be good to anything...

The things make me more sad is that...
my birthday is just 15 days away...
I really hope that u can celebrate with me before u go there...
when we come here together,,,i never thought that u will leave so early...
I still wishing for to have an unforgettable birthday for the 1st year Uni life with all my beloved friends
I really hope that all of u,the new friends and u can give me a surprise birthday...
although just a simply wishes from all of u is really enough for me ad...
but now,,,I think no one will remember or no one will know my birthday...
maybe i just expect too much on it...so now are very lost and disappointed...
anyway,,,

May God bless us always...Hope both of us can be happy always...friendship forever!love so much...

I'm fake...

when i smile...u can see the hapiness in my eyes...

but when i cry...u not will know...

coz i never cry before other...

sometimes,,,when i was smile...u just dont know that my heart is crying...

just need one second...when i turn myself back...my tears start rolling down...

and no one will know...

I wish to be happy too...I wanna keep myself always from emo also...

I know all of u want me to be cheerful and braveful...

I will try vry vry hard to achieve it also...

but just for once...now...let me cry out loud...

let me cry for the last time...

I just cant holding back the tears...

I will try ti be happy and make more friends after this...

I know u all so care about me,,really very thx u all

and I appreciate it so much!...

but just for now...let me cry for the last time...

I will be strong after this...gambateh for myself!!!

farewell day...

真的好久没来更新了
不是没有内容更新
而是想说的话太多，懒得写出来...
这两个星期真的发生了很多事情
我的大学生涯啊，刚开始习惯，陪我一起来的朋友就说不想读了要回去了
退学手续都办好了，这星期就要离开了
过后的生活会是怎么样的呢？
还真不敢去想象...一个人的我要怎么过才好？
之前的心情真的是很复杂，很郁闷也很生气
气他为什么每次都是半路逃跑...
现在好多了...只是很担心接下来的四年要怎么的去过？
幸好我哥现在上来这里工作了，虽然有点距离，
但至少当有事情发生的时候，还有人可以救我 >.<

这几天的生活和心情变化很大
大到我有点分不清哪个是真哪个是假...
那些朋友呢，到底是真心的还是因为我还有利用价值才和我在一起的？
有时候觉得他们人很好，还很照顾我帮忙我...
可是有时候，从他们的谈话，眼神和行为...
又让我不禁怀疑朋友的价值和定义...
也许是我自以为我自己很了解他们
可是从头到尾，对他们一点都不熟悉...
毕竟，我也不知道他们原本是怎么样的人...
虽然才认识两个月，还蛮要好的
可是现在在一起时的气氛，心情和态度真的跟之前刚认识的时候差好多...
这之间的差别真的让我很好奇，他们到底有没有把我们当作真心的朋友来看待？
还是只是普通认识的朋友罢了？

也许是我们这些小地方来的人比较单纯也比较朴实吧
在大城市里的生活真的让人有压力...
每一个见面的人，你都不知道他真正的样子...
就算知道也未必就是那个你认识的他
有时候会以为自己很了解他们
可是有时候却也并非如此...
我是很真心的把他们当朋友
可是他们现在给我的感觉是，因为之前没有朋友所以认识了就会常在一起
可是现在他们开始熟悉了，也有了新的朋友
我们就再也不重要了
现在的我的存在只是一座临时搭建的桥梁...
用来连接他们两个男生和其他女生交朋友的联系
从中扮演翻译的角色...
似乎，当两组人马便熟悉了以后
我这座临时桥梁就会被抛弃了...

可能人真的很难去了解另外一个人
也很难去知道他们到底在想什么
所以才会那么的疑惑...
看着他们跟越来越多人要好时
是吃醋吗？还是心理不平衡？
我不知道...就是会有不好的感觉...
会有点不舒服不开心...
我不喜欢自己的东西被人抢走的感觉...
从以前就一直这样
我先认识的人，我先得到的东西
最后都是跟别人比较好或是被抢走...
可能以为这样所以会不喜欢他们去认识其他的人
可是who cares...who will care about how i feel?
现在的我只剩一个人,虽然又开始认识其他朋友
可是感觉上都会是不长久的
也许，慢慢的我会变回以前那个孤僻的我吧
就自己一个人静静的上课就好...
不需要朋友...
之前把朋友看的太重
现在的我只要有家人就好了
家人就是我的一切...
朋友之间的游戏，有点想退出了
不需要去争什么...就让你们去变要好吧
我想clear掉一些不必要的关系了...
也许自己过会更好...

今天帮要离开的朋友办了一个小型的同学聚会
至少让他不会有遗憾的回去
可是，并没有想象中的热闹
更没有想象中的好玩
一切都只有一个字可以形容－－－冷
其他人也许觉得很好玩...
可是对我和静来说，真的好闷噢...
还蛮失望的...
也许是把一切相想得太美好
所以当结果不能像想象中一样时就会很失望
也许一开始就不该期望，因为没有期望才不会失望
更不会受伤害...
可是还是一直的重复期望着会有什么不一样的东西发生
也许，命运就是爱作弄我吧...
这个星期以后就会是我一个人的生活了
会是怎么的一个样子呢？
连我自己都不敢去揣测...
当然会很害怕，但希望我可以很好的克服这一切
不要再把任何事情看的那么重了，
因为一切都不值得...
这里不是我们该存在的地方
大城市的人都是以自我为中心
也不会顾虑到别人感受的人
任何事都好像一定要有目的才可以去进行
连交朋友也一样...
这样的人好可怕...
难道一切就不能单纯点？
说的话一定要有含义？有暗示？
我不喜欢拐弯抹角
我所说的和我想说的都只是直接的表达我的想法
所以拜托你们不要想太多...
我的个性就是这样
我只是单纯的说我想说的东西罢了
也只是单纯的很爱玩，可以玩很疯
拜托不要误会我在接近你们＝＝



PS:今年真的不适合出门，是第几次了啊？车在半路有问题...星期天要回来这里时半路爆胎了...
现在都还没弄好呢，有点担心...

现在的我不是我...

不知道为什么...
突然变了,,,变得忧郁很多
好想念以前的我...
现在的我根本就不是我
就只是一个空壳在走动罢了...
连笑容都好假，好虚伪...
跟朋友在一起时，总是会笑得很开心
可是那是真正的笑吗？
我也不知道我在笑什么...就只是想用笑容掩饰一切
心里好不舒服哦...不知道为什么会这样子...
每次一回到宿舍就会变超郁闷的
像是变成另外一个人似的
也没那么健谈了
不知道为什么跟新认识的朋友间，好像有了某种隔阂
是我自己的关系...可是并没有发生什么
只是我变了
不知道变成什么样子了...
不喜欢现在的自己
像是没有目的的活着罢了
忘了来这里读书的初衷
更忘了为什么我会在这里
是不是应该找点东西激发自己
让自己积极点开心点呢？
唉...

going back home 2moro...

2moro is going back home...'need to wake up early and bring so much things back and bring back more after 2 days...
so sienz when thinking of this...
3 week din back to home...but just seem like not so long time..
actually dun know what should do after getting home...
some of my frenz keep asking me why i back to home so frequently?
arent that nothing for us to come back home...==
what i thought when everytime hearing this is only...sweat...=___=''
should we have any reason then just can back to home?
mayb we share the different view or values...
it just like a routine for me going back home 2 or 3 week once...
although nth to do...just back to visit my family,my grandma,my nephew,...and so on....
but quite tired when thinking about the journey back to home...T^T
good luck for me...hope i can back to home safely and comfortably...
hope i can done some of my homework when at home too...^^...XD

dun be too good toward frenz sometimes...

so long time din updates my news ad...just vry lazy to write it out...
so many things happen this week...a bit grey for this week...
just cant be happy as before...
dun noe why...it seem like many of my frenz have many trouble now...
but for those who are not in MMU one...
my secondary school frenz...

A big curious come out in this week and make me confuse+dissappointed...
are the frenz only stand on using and being using basic?
why just seem like nowaday...cant a a sincere or true-hearted frenz like when we were young...
some...u really take them serious as a frenz...
but sometime u will find that,,,they dun think so...they only will ask for ur help when needed...
and after this...i just a like a spare tire...a reserve for them when they are no one to find...
and after the period...when they are getting to know more other frenz...
or just getting better with those who r not before...me---as a reserve...wont be entertain again...
dissappear again....become invinsible again...
I dun mind if u dun really take me as a frenz...but i just hate the kind of feelings become a reserve...
ALL the time i be the reserve no matter at where and when...
shall i just accept this kind of destiny?
so damn hate it...

i was angry with one of my coursemate yesterday...
because of the same problem...
he ask me to help to do one of the homework that he dun really noe how to do...
but actually,,,he lazy to do so...
and I....just too bzbody and help him to do so....but not complete...
coz i send him my work....but he need to differentiate a bit...
human are just like this...when they have something to plead u..sure theywill become so polite and freindly to u...
after getting their purpose,,,the truth coming out...
sending him my work and help him to finish up to 80% ad...but when he getting something wrong...
putting back the problem to me pulak...
so damn f***ing ...
but no because of that person...he just make me think about someone that have the same attitude with him...
all around my study years...i just keep helping anyone who need my help...and at the end of all...
I--the one who just too bzbody,,,too kind hearted...being scold...being discard ...i just really dun like that the feelings to be a fool to oneself...
I din request any from u all...the one i needed most only a thank or a simply smile from u all...
but what i get at the end...really upset me...
no only one times but all the times ...everytimes i just be the bzbody to help u all to do so...
den get a ''good'' enough pay back...
am i just born to deserve this kind of life?
i really hate it! hate it!! hate it!!!
can someone just taking me serious?or just dun asking anything from me...


what i have learn from the beginning till now...
is only ..people just no need to be too helpful...or u just will suffer losses...and to take advantage by other...
and last of all...no one will remember u...
just like u r deserve to do that for them...
iiisshhhhhh,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,i just feel so much like to kill all of them!!!


aren frenz just the simple frenz?
why u all need to complicate it?
all the human being must have an advantages to let other take then we just can be frenz?
what a manner world now...
can everything just back to the original and pure one?
just follow the simple thinking of human and maintain it...
so difficult fo me to differentiate a coursemate,frenz,good frenz or ordinary ppl...

and one other things is ...i just REALLY HATE that someone keep pleasing u to taught how to do the work and just act like he know nth...but after u give he sample or what...he just become pro ad then to be a volunteer keep showing and teaching ppl around AND sending those who i get from senior and send to him to any other WITHOUT asking me or permission from that senior...

he dun really noe who is the senior also...then he just keep passing the assignment done by senior,,,make me so embarrassed toward that senior coz he only give me his sample and for purposing guide me to do my homework...

what a life i suffer now with?

i wanna change!!!!!

why i'm so moody?

dun noe why...
this few days always feels like this...
unhappy...didnt feeling well,,,and just feel like something isnt right...
anything happen?
suppose to be happy when the 1st but dun noe why sudden changing the mood...
without any bad things...
feel the same through whole week ad...

today,,,when my sis told me that my mum's death anniversary is on next tuesday...
wat a frighten i get from tis...
what a important day that i have forgot?
how can i forgot this day?
sudden felt vry sad and seem like i was so unfilial...
beside that,,,i cant go back to give my respect and pray also...
super sad now...
the 8th years mum had pass away...
still missing her now...but this is the 1st year that i din at home when tis day come...
feel so sry to my mum...
and dun noe why...i feel so much like to cry..
throughout the 7 years before...i wont have this feeling when the anniversary is coming...
but this year...feel so upset...maybe because i'm now stay alone outside and far away from home...
so missing all of my family members...
may the angel stay beside YOU all around...
R.I.P...

bored....

nth much to say actually...

just felt vry bored bored and bored...

fb also not hve any interesting things...

so sienz...

today went for a movie in IOI puchong...

no bad 3D movie...Toy Story 3...

make me so missing my nephew...

but vry unlucky and no mood for today...

order a drink and even still havent drink any...

spill it out all and almost broke the cup...==

and no later than that...my handphone drop to the floor

and cant switch on...

really moody for this...

so scare that sudden so unlucky ,maybe my family got something wrong happen?

coz las time when i feel like that also...

my bro crashing his car with the car in front who sudden stop at the road...

and on that day also...my dad's car being pry by someone and a few hundred hve been stolen...

so when those happen today...sure i was vry worry...

luckily,,,until now...not got any bad news....

just not feeling well through the day...

seem like something wrong...but dun know what is it...

maybe a bit tired....

din take photo with my frenz today...

dun noe when can it be done...

many assignment and homework waiting for me now...

but so lazy to do that...

dun noe y i bcum dependent and cant study seriously...

feel so much like to play around only but not for study...

will i pass the final exam for the 1st sem?

if cant?what should i do and wat can i do?

so worry and scary now...

realise...

from the day when my new life was coming,,,many things come to my mind...
sudden realise that...still got so many ppl dote on me...
i know i just not good enough for being a daughter or grandchild...
even i think that i'm not important to u-all...
but when the leaving day hve come...
what i can feel is my family really love me and dote me...
even the grandma so worry about me to live alone so far away...
when i've about to start my journey to come cyberjaya for 1st time...
inform and saying goodbye with grandma...
she seem like almost crying...make me feel so much like to cry also and vry sry to her...
start from that day when i was leaving my hometown...
i know that and i feel that there is lots of family member who vry care about me and help me all the times
although i know they were caring all the times but when the times really come into critical...
that kind of feeling really make me feel so much like to cry and so warmth...
at least i know that,,,there is someone who cares about me,dote on me and taking me serious...
there is what i've realise at the 1st...

after start my class of my 1st sem...
knowing some new friends...but all were not really recognise...==
coz mayb because of another friend of me so i recognise them...
if the friend of my didnt at here...maybe we just like the simple classmate...
not talking too much at all..
maybe i just too boring to chat with coz i really dun noe what to chat with ppl tat i not recognise...
but at least now i got new friends....although a few only...
what i've realised from this is that me is totally not important to any friend...
whether i presence or absence...no one will know this...maybe i just leaving without inform any ,they not will realise also...
friend have been place on a high rank in my heart been so long
but now,,,just seem like make me confuse about
are my friends really my friends?
although u-all just take me as transparency...at least i have all support from my family
that is nothing at all...
my family is the best strength for me to live and stay...
thx my family and i love u-all~~~

back from hometown...

getting back to cyberjaya again...so bored...
baby kaixuan~~miss u much...
didnt see my dearest baby for 2 week,,,quite different form the last time when i saw him...
baby vry obedient now...but quite pity to see his tears...
now,,,xuanxuan know many words already...and always learn the words and song from advertising...
quite funny when he talk back to us...
but he become vry easy to cry...
and he like to bring back all the things and his toys to his shop...
mayb he know,,,only those in his shop not will leave him...
when my bro going to study ,,,xuan xuan still young...stil cant memories any...
but he love to be with my bro...when anytime my bro back to home then he is vry happy and hug my bro everytime and not let him to go out...but when my bro bac to school...he just will kick on temper...
but now,,,he become more sensible...and i know he understand all of our feelings....
when i saying that i want go study ady...he just like know that,,,i will leaving him alone also...
now,,,when he cry he only will call out my sister name,,,coz he know...only my sis will stil at the same place take care of him...
feels so sry to baby,,,
staying for 2 week ady at cyberjaya...but my tears unable to stop again when i saw baby xuanxuan cry so pityful when i going back to cyber...
feel like i'm stil hurting him...
anyone of u thought that baby not have feeling,,,but it is exactly opposite...
eventhough he was 2 years old only...
but i know he can feel...feel all of our feeling...so pls dun be too nasty to any baby that in ur family...coz u will hurting them!!!
my xuanxuan become more and more weakness when he have been leave by more and more ppl those love him...
i'm so sry to u...ah yi sure will dote on you all the time ...
so pls be braveful my dear...

不要轻易的相信任何人...

我只想说，这是我上来读书最常听到的一句话
很多人都说，不要轻易的相信其他人，因为你不知道他心里到底怎么想
虽然是很想放下戒心的交朋友，也不免会担心---现在的你是真的你吗？
人总是多面的，没有人能毫无隐藏的展示出自己最真实的一面
即时最单纯的人也会被天使守护着...
天使不会让他受伤害所以不会让他展示出自己的天真

人总是虚伪的...
世界上最伟大的人不是什么大发明家还是大艺术家
而是能真真正正展示出自己的人
勇于展示自己的人，往往都是最终的生存者
然而，生存背后的勇气也必须要异于常人才行...

我...
我承认我是虚伪的...
虚伪到连我自己也看不清我自己...
没有人认识真正的我，因为我自己也不认识
也许是在最受伤的那时候不见了自己吧...
别以为我是为了感情而受伤，为感情而迷失自己的人最愚蠢

有时候再坚强的人背后，往往有着比别人更深的烙印
印下只有自己才知道的暗号...
偶尔的反复想起...弯弯的眼角也会下起雨来...

我喜欢在夜深人静时思考，不是因为习惯
而是因为只有在夜深人静时，我才看得见我自己...
一个有血有肉有心跳的我...

我爱哭，可是我并不常在别人面前哭
不是因为巧合，而是因为我选择强忍着泪水，
不让别人发现我最软弱的一面...
那时我唯一可以保留的尊严...
至少，别人知道我害怕，可是没人知道我在哭...
又或许是因为没有可以让我在他面前放心哭的人...
我还找不到那个依靠的肩膀...

不了解我的人，你要怎么说我，怎么批评我都可以
可是你不是我...你不知道我的想法
你不知道我的恐惧，你不知道我的遭遇
你更不知道我受过的阴影...
所以，在你对任何一个人下定论前，请先想清楚
你对他有多了解...

人--是有感情的动物
然而人也是最残忍的动物
人类会利用任何一方的同情心和弱点去使另一个人改变
这就是所谓的万物之灵?
还是我们也只是一种动物...愚蠢的动物...

天真的人，往往都比较受人喜爱
而他们也是最容易被伤害的一群...
有的人，外表看上去很坚强很强势
可是，内在里却十分的软弱
那时因为害怕，因为害怕被别人看穿自己的软弱所以我们选择伪装
伪装是保护自己最好的武器...
外表越是坚强的人，背后也一定有着越是坎坷的路程

而往往总是心事重重的人，
都得不到大家的注意...
常常紧锁着的眉头，
不因为压力而是因为得不到赞同还是他们害怕被认同？

不要轻易的相信任何人...
因为每个人都是以最佳的姿态去面对人群
而亮丽的背后总有不为人知的一面...
珍惜真正关心你的人，
不知是那些虚情假意，阿谀奉承的猪朋狗友
也包括常在耳边唠叨，会责骂你，鞭策你的人
因为他们才是真正关心你的人...

漫漫失眠夜...不安。。。

一直都好不安噢
心跳坏了吧？
从第一天上来开始，心就没有平静过
真的很害怕，害怕我该怎么自己一个人的生活
没有家人的庇佑，没有家里这个避风港
我真的不知道我该怎么样得自己一个人去应付每一天的生活
这对我来说是一个很大的负担
我害怕，怕自己读不来吗？这点倒是还好
真的就是因为要自己一个人生活，日常琐事开销都要自己负责
没有人可以帮我，没有朋友。。。
我最害怕的就是要我自己一个人去解决三餐
一个人吃饭的可怕...
可能是依赖惯了,,,总有人会打包好三餐，不必愁的日子

现在在这里是还有哥哥和妹妹陪我
至少有事情可以找他们帮忙，吃东西也是一起去
可是过几天他们就要回去了
没有人可以帮我，没有人可以救我，没有人可以陪我
一睁开眼睛就只有我一个人
我该怎么去面对那样的生活？
不安一直缠绕着我，而且是越来越多
从第一天要上来之前开始
就没有平静过...只有偶尔睡着的时候会安定些
一睁开眼睛，就算我什么也没去想，就很快的马上变紧张
身体和心是很累，可是就是睡不着我该怎么办？
我真的无法面对那样的生活。。。

长久以来总是忍着不在任何人面前流泪的我
喜欢在夜里哭泣，不是因为什么，就因为没有可以让我在他面前放心哭的人
虽然是原本都很爱哭，可是现在更加得忍不住泪了
轻易的就在所有人面前流下眼泪
就真的把我之前一直伪装的坚强都打碎了

我知道我该变得更勇敢一点
可是这真的不容易做到。。。
止不住的泪，我也没办法让它干枯。。。
只知道，这一切是那么的不顺利
原本定下来的心，又因为一个给了我希望有害我更加失望的朋友动摇了
说什么要陪我来读书，结果还不到一天
虽然是跟我上来了，却因为不舍的男朋友而说不读了
我最讨厌这样的人了！~
只想着平平淡淡，随随便便混日子的人！
我讨厌死了！~
我最讨厌笨女人！
难道你可以一辈子的只做salesgirl?
说什么那么样的简简单单也好
可是你有没有为未来想过？
懒得说你了
还我的心情跟坐过山车一样
原本还期望至少还有一个人陪我一起生活
不用那么害怕了
结果还是一样
还让我摔得更痛
这样的朋友算是真心的吗？
越来越难分辨了...

心坏了...

今天真的好多话想说...
真的觉得我是那么的微乎其微...
微小的就算消失了也没人会发现的那种...
我讨厌那么懦弱的自己
我更讨厌只会重复叹息着自己很懦弱自己什么都不会
可是却什么也不去行动的我...
为什么我会那样子?为什么我真的那么惹人厌!~
我没有人缘,没有真心的朋友,没有了解我的人
为什么我想得到的东西越是永远都得不到?
为什么我越羡慕也越想争取的东西也是离我而去?
我就真的是注定该被遗忘吗?
命运就真的从来都不眷顾我吗?
为什么我总是要活得比别人惨?
为什么我总是那个被埋怨,被排斥,不被理解的人?
我需要空间!我需要自由!
我需要个可以让我自由自在呼吸,不需要理会任何人和任何事的空间!!!!
有谁可以给我这些?除了我自己好像没人了吧?
问题是...我自己却也给不了自己这些...

钱!我讨厌钱!可是我却很需要它!
因为钱,因为家境,因为家庭关系,我什么也做不了...
哪里也去不了...什么也得不到也都不被允许得到...
这就是我的人生,,,一个不被祝福不被眷顾的人生...
越想得到却越会失去...
心里真的很忧郁很郁闷!

我要的其实也很简单,,,我只想过和别人平等的生活...
有了解自己的人,有知心的朋友,有关怀我的家人,有可以到处去的自由和能力...
我并不如我外表所见的那么坚强...那只是我假装勇敢的面具...
我只想要个看穿我的伪装,会保护我,疼我,能让我卸下一切盔甲的人...
也从来也没有这个人的身影出现过...
我还是我...一个人独自生活的我,,,我永远只是一个人...

最近...

刚刚忘了说,,,我没去当兵了哦~
很久没更新不是因为去当兵了
而是因为心情真的很郁闷,也没什么时间然我可以上来这里看看...
原本担心了很久的当兵,结果因为体检属于中等级罢了,不适合去当兵而不用去了...
虽然很开心可以不用去当兵可是也担心自己的健康啊~~~
从没去当兵到现在,一个月了...
过了一个无所事事的一个月...到现在还是下不了决定到底要去那里读书...
真的不喜欢自己那么的优柔寡断,犹豫不决...
总是浪费时间浪费光阴,,,已经要五月了...五月份很多大专学府都开课了
可是我,,,一直在浪费时间,得过且过的我...竟然还没申请任何的学院
竟然还不知道我该去哪里...大家可是都决定好了啊...
我真的不想就这样浪费一年得过且过的活,,,可我却还是那样的日复一日,,,
好讨厌这样的自己哦!~
为什么我总是那么容易被动摇?
为什么我总是那么容易的失去竞争力,失去战斗力,失去目标,失去对读书甚至其他事的热情?

最近,,,真的...什么也没做...
就只是玩游戏...让每一天的时间白白的流逝...
却一直叹息我到底该去哪...可是并没有任何的行动...
这就是我,,,只会埋怨讨人厌的我!
论坛啊...神起啊...ps...真的都很想念...
可是却都没心情去玩...与其说没心情,由不到如说懒得去动...
虽然这几天真的没什么机会上网甚至动电脑的机会都没有
可是之前明明有很多时间去玩的时候却又不想去论坛...
最近真的很低迷...是因为神起的关系吗?
可能吧...从官司到现在...很多神起的活动和新闻我都不知道
因为都没上论坛,,,也懒得去看...
很多视频,单曲,节目,杂志,访谈,消息,图片甚至他们的动向
我全都不直到也都很久没去看,没去收集,没去下载了...
也许是因为备受小孩干扰,也被升学的压力压得一直很郁闷
所以失去了那个推动力了吧...感觉好对不起神起..
我一直都是个那么不称职的仙后...
一个不常关心他们,不知道他们过得好不好,不知道他们有什么新剧或是活动的不认真的仙后...
我是个彻底失败的仙后啊...
我的热情消失了吗?
我的激昂消失了吗?
我的能量消失了吗?
也许这只是暂时的...可我却改变不了自己的懦弱的渺小...
我只是个最低级等次的仙后...我就是那么糟糕的我...

厌恶,厌烦,憎恨,讨厌...烦啊!!!~

真的很烦!烦啊!~
我讨厌小孩!!!!绝顶的讨厌!~
烦死人...我从来没看过那么讨人厌的小孩!
我真的超讨厌我表姐的那五个小孩!
比别人顽皮,又比别人叽喳,又死爱做出那种讨人厌的脸!
没有一个是正常的!我也很好奇他到底是怎么教的!
人家是开店做生意的地方,不是你的休闲场所或是游乐场所
竟然可以差不多天天带那么多人来吵来闹,四五个小孩在外面到处跑
顾客进来看到几奇怪,外面经过的人也还以为是什么地方来的!
自己几个大人就在里面聊天讲八卦,自己的小孩都不用看哦?
又不是不知道自己的小孩有多'惹人爱'...
一个出名大声公,一大堆废话又吵死人,又死爱面子;
一个是很有心机,每次来骗吃和抢我外甥的玩具故意弄他吵,有时还会偷打他;
一个像是智障儿,说着一大堆外星语,5岁了还会在学校大便在裤子,又不舍得带他去看医生,就赖是什么牛鬼蛇神的...只会去问神...说到底搞不好是妈妈本身的问题
另外两个是去到哪里都给人骂,从小就被带去赌博馆,粗话会一大堆,脾气又倔强,还会偷钱,不过这不可以怪他们,因为从小父母离异,没人教才会那样...

就是这五个人...从小看着他们大...
也就因为那样,从以前很喜欢小朋友,很会容忍他们,很有耐性的跟他们玩到现在
忍无可忍,脾气越来越臭,也越来越没耐心...因为一再容忍他们却还是那个样子
甚至欺人太甚,以为全部人都要让他,动手打人,玩过火!
九年,九年来一个一个出世,一个一个长大...却一个比一个严重臭脾气不然就是手脚不干净...
真的是把所有的脾气和忍耐性都花光在他们身上,声量也越练越大...
到去年,我的外甥出世了,乖巧可爱,也很讨喜,文静斯文,...
从那时起又把自己的脾气收起来了...对小孩也没那么讨厌了...
可是过后,就因为时常和那三个比较严重坏蛋的小孩相处...
我的外甥也越变越可怕,那三个竟然教坏他!
害得我的外甥,现在也是每天乱喊乱叫,乱发脾气,随地乱丢东西,不管是垃圾还是重要的东西,手也越来越多...一直去搬东西然后把全部弄乱乱丢...
直接让我彻底的讨厌那三个!连这个小外甥也越来越无法忍受了!

真的好讨厌小孩!~很奇怪为什么见过那么多小孩,从来没有像那三个那么坏的!
甚至到了一听到声音就讨厌!就很排斥的那种!而且不止我这样罢了
我的姐姐,妹妹,所有见过他们的人都会很讨厌他们!
我真的快被小孩逼得快得忧郁症和躁郁症了啦!!!!

怎么办?

只剩下１０天...１０天...
还有十天我就要去当兵了...
即使是百般的不愿意...可是我也没办法不进去当....
讨厌至极的东西还要我一个人去...
真的是打死我也不想去!!!

去读书,去读书就能不用当
这句话我听了好多次...可是找学校可不是一件容易的事!!!!!!!!
况且现在已经来不及了拉!~
要我在这么短的时间内去读书
真的会很舍不得家里人,也会很不习惯
可是去当兵却又更辛苦...
到底我该怎么办阿?

现在真的好希望我的身体出问题...
这样就能不去当也不那么快去读书
可是还没收到信还没做体检
体检也只验尿,更本查不出什么...
一听到我要去当兵的人就是笑...
把自己的快乐建筑在别人的痛苦上有那么开心吗?
不是每天我都能那么好心情的奉陪你无奈的笑
不要在那么的欠扁了好不好!
ｈａｉｚ...我真的快郁闷死了!!!!!~

with all my tears

刚看了100227MusicFair21东方神起日本出道5周年特辑
一幕又一幕的回忆涌上心头
真的真的好想念五只在一起的时候
有多久了啊?你们五个没同时接受访问...
从begin到stand by u....
一步一步的陪伴着你们成长,你们也一步一步的陪伴着我们...
你们的蜕变你们的努力真的很大...
可是听着看着,就真的好想流泪...
尤其是到bolero的时候...深情的你们唱着悲情的歌
真的感觉对你们很抱歉....
一直用着最熟悉的声音唱着不同的歌的你们
带给我们那么那么多的甜蜜回忆...
而我却不是有着动摇的心...
对繁多的歌曲和视频来不及一一看完的烦躁的心
在时间不多中忽略你们的作品忽略你们的活动的我,真的好惭愧...
miannae...

一直都很想成为像五只那样的人...
可现实对我来说真的是好远好远...
不能选择自己喜欢的东西来学真的很痛苦...
一直一直看着你们的成长变化
到终于站在最高峰的时候却来了着这么大的危机...
难道我们就真的差了点运气吗?
五只不像其他的艺人...很容易的就被大众接受
被媒体追捧
也许是因为外形的关系容易被乱定义
所以五只一路走来都比常人辛苦
也比别人更努力才能受到认可...
就在备受光芒围绕的时候却又出现了问题...
真的觉得命运好不公平...

看着你们一起受访问一起上节目宣传
五个人互相挖苦,互相作弄,说笑的时候真的好幸福,好可爱,好开心....
看着视频想着以前的你们,心里甜甜的笑着傻傻的你们~
可一想到现在,无法在一起工作一起生活
各自为自己的事情忙碌的五只就很心痛
就很想哭....眼泪真的很不争气....
虽然事情好像没有什么消息...
可是五个人越来越远距离的各自忙碌不免令人担心...
想着当五只再合体的时候默契会不会变差?
虽然对他们很有信心...可是也不可能完全不担心....
各自拍戏,ｍｊ演唱会,ｍｏｚａｒｔ舞台剧[虽然已落幕],只剩大米轻松的溜狗~
好想陪在你们身边哦!~~~~~
想念你们一直出现在日韩电视和活动上的身影...

我的泪啊...只要看到你们就会流出来...
虽然五只最近的照片都很帅,可是更想念五个人快乐的笑的照片!!~
ｔ　ｆ　ｑ
　ｖ　ｘ　　　想念最美丽的仙后座....最壮观的红海...
更想念最闪耀的五个人...真的很爱你们...

诡异的天气

真不喜欢最近的天气...
白天太阳大的像是要把人晒干一样...
而一到下午时分就开始打雷下雨...
最不喜欢下雨了...不喜欢那种湿答答,粘乎乎,冷冰冰的感觉...

这两天世界各地最大的新闻就是智利的海啸吧...
真的太可怕了...
可是人类有没有想过,大自然一波接着一波的摧毁地球上生物
这是因为人类一而再再而三的破坏大自然所引起的?
是大自然在报复吧...报复这些不环保的人类...

凡事都有因果循环,这真的有可能吧...>.<
虽然只是我个人的想法...

3月2日 阴晴不定

不知不觉就到三月了~
时间真的过得很快...而我
也已经有好几天没来更新了~
呵呵...懒人病又犯了~

今年啊~过了个是罪与以往不同的新年
可是还是一样的闷啊~

年初一,像往常一样去了婆婆家,只不过今年没在那里待上整天...
年初二,也失去了婆婆家吃饭,中午就回家看戏吹冷气,晚上是第一次没去婆婆家吃饭,而是一家人到外面去吃了~终于啊~可以吃不一样的东西了...晚上一家人玩牌,输的人喝一杯酒= =
年初三,好像都没过到去婆婆家~[PS:每年过年就只有得去婆婆家啊~]晚会上那就和朋友们bbq~^^
 接下来的每一天,就是去玩耍~玩牌,去batu pahat吃mum mum,gai gai...就一直这样到过完年
虽然与每年不同,也去了蛮多地方...可是还是一样的闷...不知道为什么
越长大,越没有过新年的feel...
就像今年一样,到现在好像都没过年一样...aikzz...

最近呢,还是跟以前一样无所事事...
可是脾气好像又变差了点=_____=这也不是我想要的啊~
三月了,代表成绩要出了,可是却没确定的时间
三月了,代表当兵的朋友要出来了而我也可能要进去了...
真的不想去当兵,可是却还不知道我到底应该去读什么好...
现在报名的话也来不及了吧?
能不能就直接不要进去?

这几天,突然很想念以前的日子...
那个老是在学校到处跑帮忙老师卖书和推销升学展的那个红裙小女生
那个每天有着规律的课程要上
每天有固定的功课,忙到喘不过气来的那个生活
可从前,却是那么样的讨厌啊...
现在竟然会很想念那些功课...
还是比较喜欢那样一直做功课可是学到很多东西的生活
好久没碰我最喜欢也最讨厌的add-math了...
都不知道还会不会做...每个星期二的补习...
好久没去面包店哦~哈哈...因为啊~
以前一补习,大伙就会跑去面包店买面包~
一边补习一边吃~一边补习一边和老师聊天~
好怀念以前的生活...

不懂事,莽莽撞撞的我...的生活....好想念哦..
要怎么才能回到以前的生活呢?
人啊~真的是要等到过了以后才会珍惜^^
真希望我接下来的生活能顺心顺利的一直过下去~
祝福我吧~朋友...^^

新年快乐!~

woohuu~祝大家虎年快乐啦~
终于~过新年啦!~~
没得出去...上网也好闷哦```````都没人在的``````
外面一直有鞭炮和国际烟花的声响~
好吵哦!~不要在我家外面一直放可以吗?
真的太大声了啦!~
幸好我家没小孩...不然一定吓哭~

在来临的新的一年~祝福大家事事顺利心想事成~
也希望我自己能过得更好!~
有更多的机会和自信心!~
希望我生活中的每一件事都可以顺心顺利!~
还有就是财源滚滚来拉!~
因为没钱什么事都做不了~>.<
今天是新年也是情人节~
也祝福我早日找到个如意郎君吧~^^
大家新年快乐&情人节快乐啦!~

領悟

2 月4日                                   未知


突然有了新的領悟...
開始寫這個部落格,最大的希望是能讓人理解我
也希望能寫出不一樣的部落格...
但總是在說些瑣碎事...生活中發生的事...
不經意路過兩個部落...
內容令我反省...
文章並不需要華麗的包裝,也不需要長篇大論...
內容重點才是吸引人的point...
其一----藝術人類的部落,無需多少言語,透過自畫圖來表達心念--簡短而明了
其二----非主流的文化夾雜主流的文字,遣詞用字間猶如詩歌散文一般優美--深奧且簡易

而我,與其說是個人部落,倒不如說是分享自身心情和神起新聞的雜亂崗?
改革?前所未有想過的事
持續?純樸而普通的家常話語
升格?希望如此....
令自己升格語言文化和修養的地方...
期待著我的蛻變...

Oh o~

1月30日                                                   晴

现在~听着神起的歌...上着fb...
可是却不懂要干嘛...
没事做~这几天都一直那样~
不懂要做什么...竟然连上网都会没事干...
一半是因为神起最近都没什么活动吧...
题目放oh o~是''噢哦~''的发音。。。
因为最近来懒得更新了~
哈哈~我的部落格通病~
都是开了懒惰更新...
不过这个算很好了~哈哈
只是最近没事情发生所以没得更新=       =
刚收到一封正在当兵朋友的信息...好想念他们~
只能期待过年见啦！~
还有就是~我不要去当兵~
救命啊~谁可以救我？哈哈。。。

现在播着的歌是''千年恋歌''~
一首我很喜欢的歌~很浪漫的歌~
也是很好听的歌~
基本上~只要是神起的歌我都喜欢！~ ^00^

晚上都不会睡啊~该怎么办才好？

1月27日 晴

心里有好多话想说...
可是是毫无连续的几件事...>.<

==============================================================

今天看了好多Mozart舞台剧的照片...
秀啊~你真的是音乐剧神童!~因为真的很赞!~
好像去看现场哦....
看见照片里你的眼里闪着眼泪~
很感动吧?被现场支持你的仙后感动了吧?
还是因为终于完成了第一场的任务为自己的表现而感动?
听见你的歌声,,,虽然不清楚...可是好想哭...
因为真的好久没听见了...
看见你的笑脸真的很开心...好久没看见你那样的笑~
知道你还是一样开开心心的,就安心很多...^^

==============================================================


金毛小在啊~生日快乐哦!~
昨天生日了呢...怎么庆祝了?
去看了秀的公演了吗?
大家都很好奇你怎么庆祝生日!~
因为大家都想帮你庆祝吧!
24岁了哦~韩国年龄25岁了啊?
又长大了一岁~是大哥哥了~
最近都没什么活动吗?很少看见你的照片了呢...
私生的也蛮少...
之前是你和米一直在忙~
现在三只在忙的时候,换你们俩最悠闲了?
哈哈~
也好...乘机慢慢休息吧!
休息够了记得要充满朝气的回归!~
期待五只啊~~~

==============================================================

浩爷和珉也在为各自的活动忙吧?
浩的evisu又来了!~
真的是超帅的呢!~
还是一样的神清气爽哦!~
浩最近都在忙拍摄之类的工作吧?

珉,你的戏几时才拍完呢?
好想看!~
最近就你的死生最多了...因为拍戏的关系...
有好好的吃饭吗?
要健健康康的哦!~

也是快生日了的这两位~好想和你们一起庆祝生日!~
生日快乐哈!~

===============================================================

说完神起的事~到我自己的事了~

我决定了我要读大众传播,或是跟这科有关联的...
在找着学校...
学费和生活费真的是最大的问题和烦恼~
唉...
''有钱人总是说,钱能解决的问题就不是问题...
而穷人却只能说,只要是跟钱有关系的问题,都是大问题啊~''

希望,有贵人可以帮我吧~
不管是奖学金也好~贷学金也罢~
希望可以好好的完成我的学业...不会后悔!

再来就是最恼人的事...
最近晚上都睡不着...因为白天都没事情做,所以晚上会睡不着...
晚上的时候就特别爱想东西...前天突然想到
如果我真的三月就去读书...
那不是没办法天天都看到我的外甥?
很奇怪的问题吧...
可是从他6个月大开始,我算是几乎天天都和他见面啊~
还带着他到处去...他也不会想念妈妈而哭泣,因为已经跟惯我们了
从他第一次学爬,学走路,学说话和捣蛋开始...我都知道呢!~
就像是我自己的亲生儿子一样~
一想到,如果我去读书...
最频繁也是两三个星期回来一次...
两三个星期不见面...这小毛孩会不会已经忘记我了?
会不会跟我不亲了?好担心呀~
虽然这只是我自己的问题...

不过,昨天听姐姐说要把他送去托儿所
因为他平时在店里很吵很黏人...
我真的很生气!~
才一岁7个月的孩子...
都还不会说话...把他送去学校干嘛?
你能想象当他去到学校,完全没有一个他熟悉的人
妈妈又要把他丢下时,他会哭的多惨吗?

自己生下来的孩子就应该自己照顾好不是吗?
他从小你们就不好好教他,不好好管他
让他习惯要什么就吵~因为他知道只要他吵他就一定得到
这不是你们自己的问题吗?
为什么现在把问题推给小孩,让他承担
然后再把他送去学校希望他会学好...至少不会吵到你...

如果你是多忙的人,那还没关系
问题是,每天也没什么事情做
就是玩电脑和睡觉哦
这样也叫好妈妈?

小孩为什么会变的黏人?
这是因为小孩是有灵性的~
因为你曾经抛下他一个人在陌生的地方
所以他开始有抵抗...
他知道你还会再一次的抛下他
他也知道你何时要出去,却不要带他去
所以他才会粘着你

因为他怕你又抛下他...

一岁多的小孩,你要他怎么不跟着妈妈生活?
自己当不好妈妈,却要把问题赖给小孩...
再怎么的不好也是你自己的基因吧?

算了...反正不关我的事
自己的孩子自己教~

去学校学到什么东西回来可不要又赖给别人

这也正好能让我更安心的去读书...

haiz....