here come again that feeling...

here come again that feeling...
the stressful feeling of living with those city citizens...
not because of their attitudes
but just the self-competition mentality of myself...
It was not that I want to competitive with them...
but it is easy to see how far our level different from...
quite stress every time when seeing or knowing their level...
whatever in any aspects...
everytime saw their works and coursework...
make me to have a guilty consciences and lacking in confidence...
and one important things is the ability of language...
all come from english speaking society and know lot of things except me...
the one who from small town....
didnt dare to speak also...when compare their works and essay with mine...
is just like a worlds apart different...
they good in chinese and malay too...and me...
only know the mother tongue...
I choose myself for this course and I nearly forget why I choose this...
and the most important things is that I din take serious at any class and exam...
I dont know why I become like this and I really hate this...
when u know the difference but didnt work harder to catch up with it...
ya,,,that is me,,,keep on repeating the same fault even though I know and I hate it...
Why I just be like this?I really Hate myself for become like this...
but keep on giving myself excuses that I got not method to solve it...
Damn myself,,,...I hate me so much...