why i'm so moody?

dun noe why...
this few days always feels like this...
unhappy...didnt feeling well,,,and just feel like something isnt right...
anything happen?
suppose to be happy when the 1st but dun noe why sudden changing the mood...
without any bad things...
feel the same through whole week ad...

today,,,when my sis told me that my mum's death anniversary is on next tuesday...
wat a frighten i get from tis...
what a important day that i have forgot?
how can i forgot this day?
sudden felt vry sad and seem like i was so unfilial...
beside that,,,i cant go back to give my respect and pray also...
super sad now...
the 8th years mum had pass away...
still missing her now...but this is the 1st year that i din at home when tis day come...
feel so sry to my mum...
and dun noe why...i feel so much like to cry..
throughout the 7 years before...i wont have this feeling when the anniversary is coming...
but this year...feel so upset...maybe because i'm now stay alone outside and far away from home...
so missing all of my family members...
may the angel stay beside YOU all around...
R.I.P...

bored....

nth much to say actually...

just felt vry bored bored and bored...

fb also not hve any interesting things...

so sienz...

today went for a movie in IOI puchong...

no bad 3D movie...Toy Story 3...

make me so missing my nephew...

but vry unlucky and no mood for today...

order a drink and even still havent drink any...

spill it out all and almost broke the cup...==

and no later than that...my handphone drop to the floor

and cant switch on...

really moody for this...

so scare that sudden so unlucky ,maybe my family got something wrong happen?

coz las time when i feel like that also...

my bro crashing his car with the car in front who sudden stop at the road...

and on that day also...my dad's car being pry by someone and a few hundred hve been stolen...

so when those happen today...sure i was vry worry...

luckily,,,until now...not got any bad news....

just not feeling well through the day...

seem like something wrong...but dun know what is it...

maybe a bit tired....

din take photo with my frenz today...

dun noe when can it be done...

many assignment and homework waiting for me now...

but so lazy to do that...

dun noe y i bcum dependent and cant study seriously...

feel so much like to play around only but not for study...

will i pass the final exam for the 1st sem?

if cant?what should i do and wat can i do?

so worry and scary now...

realise...

from the day when my new life was coming,,,many things come to my mind...
sudden realise that...still got so many ppl dote on me...
i know i just not good enough for being a daughter or grandchild...
even i think that i'm not important to u-all...
but when the leaving day hve come...
what i can feel is my family really love me and dote me...
even the grandma so worry about me to live alone so far away...
when i've about to start my journey to come cyberjaya for 1st time...
inform and saying goodbye with grandma...
she seem like almost crying...make me feel so much like to cry also and vry sry to her...
start from that day when i was leaving my hometown...
i know that and i feel that there is lots of family member who vry care about me and help me all the times
although i know they were caring all the times but when the times really come into critical...
that kind of feeling really make me feel so much like to cry and so warmth...
at least i know that,,,there is someone who cares about me,dote on me and taking me serious...
there is what i've realise at the 1st...

after start my class of my 1st sem...
knowing some new friends...but all were not really recognise...==
coz mayb because of another friend of me so i recognise them...
if the friend of my didnt at here...maybe we just like the simple classmate...
not talking too much at all..
maybe i just too boring to chat with coz i really dun noe what to chat with ppl tat i not recognise...
but at least now i got new friends....although a few only...
what i've realised from this is that me is totally not important to any friend...
whether i presence or absence...no one will know this...maybe i just leaving without inform any ,they not will realise also...
friend have been place on a high rank in my heart been so long
but now,,,just seem like make me confuse about
are my friends really my friends?
although u-all just take me as transparency...at least i have all support from my family
that is nothing at all...
my family is the best strength for me to live and stay...
thx my family and i love u-all~~~

back from hometown...

getting back to cyberjaya again...so bored...
baby kaixuan~~miss u much...
didnt see my dearest baby for 2 week,,,quite different form the last time when i saw him...
baby vry obedient now...but quite pity to see his tears...
now,,,xuanxuan know many words already...and always learn the words and song from advertising...
quite funny when he talk back to us...
but he become vry easy to cry...
and he like to bring back all the things and his toys to his shop...
mayb he know,,,only those in his shop not will leave him...
when my bro going to study ,,,xuan xuan still young...stil cant memories any...
but he love to be with my bro...when anytime my bro back to home then he is vry happy and hug my bro everytime and not let him to go out...but when my bro bac to school...he just will kick on temper...
but now,,,he become more sensible...and i know he understand all of our feelings....
when i saying that i want go study ady...he just like know that,,,i will leaving him alone also...
now,,,when he cry he only will call out my sister name,,,coz he know...only my sis will stil at the same place take care of him...
feels so sry to baby,,,
staying for 2 week ady at cyberjaya...but my tears unable to stop again when i saw baby xuanxuan cry so pityful when i going back to cyber...
feel like i'm stil hurting him...
anyone of u thought that baby not have feeling,,,but it is exactly opposite...
eventhough he was 2 years old only...
but i know he can feel...feel all of our feeling...so pls dun be too nasty to any baby that in ur family...coz u will hurting them!!!
my xuanxuan become more and more weakness when he have been leave by more and more ppl those love him...
i'm so sry to u...ah yi sure will dote on you all the time ...
so pls be braveful my dear...

不要轻易的相信任何人...

我只想说，这是我上来读书最常听到的一句话
很多人都说，不要轻易的相信其他人，因为你不知道他心里到底怎么想
虽然是很想放下戒心的交朋友，也不免会担心---现在的你是真的你吗？
人总是多面的，没有人能毫无隐藏的展示出自己最真实的一面
即时最单纯的人也会被天使守护着...
天使不会让他受伤害所以不会让他展示出自己的天真

人总是虚伪的...
世界上最伟大的人不是什么大发明家还是大艺术家
而是能真真正正展示出自己的人
勇于展示自己的人，往往都是最终的生存者
然而，生存背后的勇气也必须要异于常人才行...

我...
我承认我是虚伪的...
虚伪到连我自己也看不清我自己...
没有人认识真正的我，因为我自己也不认识
也许是在最受伤的那时候不见了自己吧...
别以为我是为了感情而受伤，为感情而迷失自己的人最愚蠢

有时候再坚强的人背后，往往有着比别人更深的烙印
印下只有自己才知道的暗号...
偶尔的反复想起...弯弯的眼角也会下起雨来...

我喜欢在夜深人静时思考，不是因为习惯
而是因为只有在夜深人静时，我才看得见我自己...
一个有血有肉有心跳的我...

我爱哭，可是我并不常在别人面前哭
不是因为巧合，而是因为我选择强忍着泪水，
不让别人发现我最软弱的一面...
那时我唯一可以保留的尊严...
至少，别人知道我害怕，可是没人知道我在哭...
又或许是因为没有可以让我在他面前放心哭的人...
我还找不到那个依靠的肩膀...

不了解我的人，你要怎么说我，怎么批评我都可以
可是你不是我...你不知道我的想法
你不知道我的恐惧，你不知道我的遭遇
你更不知道我受过的阴影...
所以，在你对任何一个人下定论前，请先想清楚
你对他有多了解...

人--是有感情的动物
然而人也是最残忍的动物
人类会利用任何一方的同情心和弱点去使另一个人改变
这就是所谓的万物之灵?
还是我们也只是一种动物...愚蠢的动物...

天真的人，往往都比较受人喜爱
而他们也是最容易被伤害的一群...
有的人，外表看上去很坚强很强势
可是，内在里却十分的软弱
那时因为害怕，因为害怕被别人看穿自己的软弱所以我们选择伪装
伪装是保护自己最好的武器...
外表越是坚强的人，背后也一定有着越是坎坷的路程

而往往总是心事重重的人，
都得不到大家的注意...
常常紧锁着的眉头，
不因为压力而是因为得不到赞同还是他们害怕被认同？

不要轻易的相信任何人...
因为每个人都是以最佳的姿态去面对人群
而亮丽的背后总有不为人知的一面...
珍惜真正关心你的人，
不知是那些虚情假意，阿谀奉承的猪朋狗友
也包括常在耳边唠叨，会责骂你，鞭策你的人
因为他们才是真正关心你的人...

漫漫失眠夜...不安。。。

一直都好不安噢
心跳坏了吧？
从第一天上来开始，心就没有平静过
真的很害怕，害怕我该怎么自己一个人的生活
没有家人的庇佑，没有家里这个避风港
我真的不知道我该怎么样得自己一个人去应付每一天的生活
这对我来说是一个很大的负担
我害怕，怕自己读不来吗？这点倒是还好
真的就是因为要自己一个人生活，日常琐事开销都要自己负责
没有人可以帮我，没有朋友。。。
我最害怕的就是要我自己一个人去解决三餐
一个人吃饭的可怕...
可能是依赖惯了,,,总有人会打包好三餐，不必愁的日子

现在在这里是还有哥哥和妹妹陪我
至少有事情可以找他们帮忙，吃东西也是一起去
可是过几天他们就要回去了
没有人可以帮我，没有人可以救我，没有人可以陪我
一睁开眼睛就只有我一个人
我该怎么去面对那样的生活？
不安一直缠绕着我，而且是越来越多
从第一天要上来之前开始
就没有平静过...只有偶尔睡着的时候会安定些
一睁开眼睛，就算我什么也没去想，就很快的马上变紧张
身体和心是很累，可是就是睡不着我该怎么办？
我真的无法面对那样的生活。。。

长久以来总是忍着不在任何人面前流泪的我
喜欢在夜里哭泣，不是因为什么，就因为没有可以让我在他面前放心哭的人
虽然是原本都很爱哭，可是现在更加得忍不住泪了
轻易的就在所有人面前流下眼泪
就真的把我之前一直伪装的坚强都打碎了

我知道我该变得更勇敢一点
可是这真的不容易做到。。。
止不住的泪，我也没办法让它干枯。。。
只知道，这一切是那么的不顺利
原本定下来的心，又因为一个给了我希望有害我更加失望的朋友动摇了
说什么要陪我来读书，结果还不到一天
虽然是跟我上来了，却因为不舍的男朋友而说不读了
我最讨厌这样的人了！~
只想着平平淡淡，随随便便混日子的人！
我讨厌死了！~
我最讨厌笨女人！
难道你可以一辈子的只做salesgirl?
说什么那么样的简简单单也好
可是你有没有为未来想过？
懒得说你了
还我的心情跟坐过山车一样
原本还期望至少还有一个人陪我一起生活
不用那么害怕了
结果还是一样
还让我摔得更痛
这样的朋友算是真心的吗？
越来越难分辨了...