重来没有过像现在的那么讨厌自己..
真的很糟糕!!!
很讨厌很讨厌这样的我..
之前的冲劲与努力到底都去了哪里?
为什么会变成现在这个样子???
同个科目,连续两三个星期没去上过课了...
也不想我不想去上...可是为什么每次总是都去不成...
很讨厌人迟到,很讨厌人懒惰..很讨厌身边的每一个人..
都是一群贱人..只会利用别人的家伙..真的很令人讨厌..
却看着自己也一步一步的越来越向他们
真的很讨厌啊!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! f*
自己真的太没用了,为什么会变得那么的依赖人?
你从来都不是这个样子的!!!快点醒醒吧!!!~
不要再这样过生活了!!!
之前还那么大口气的跟着爸爸说, 我才没有像他们一样
每天不去上课.. 每次就算一个人我都自己照样去上课..
怎么话才说完...我却也变得和他们一样了?
真的真的很糟糕..
每次都被他们牵累..每次都被他们暗地里捅一刀..
真的不知道为什么当初会和这些人成为那么好的朋友..
一群没大脑,没自尊,没礼貌,没公德心,没同情心的人..
我真的这一辈子都没遇过这样的人..
怎知道..一遇到就遇到了十多个..T^T
真不知道是悲哀还是什么..
我从来没看过那么自甘堕落,那么没文化的人..
一点都不上进,自以为是的以为自己这样就好了,是最完美的了..
殊不知他们自己到处都被人白眼..
真的不能忍受那么丢脸的人...
21岁的整群人, 不论在上课的时候,还是在任何地方,都可以大声嚷嚷, 大声喊叫..乱骂粗口/唱粗口歌还自以为的感觉好玩和光荣..丢脸早都丢习惯了.. 可是他们可知道,现在不是他们自己丢不丢脸的问题..而是给予被人尊重的问题?..
你要丢脸是你自己的事,没人管的着你.. 可是至少,在课室, 在公共场合, 至少得尊重下其他人..
那些地方都不是你一个人的咧!..每个人都有权利安安静静的呆在那个地方的咯.. 很喜欢很习惯在公共场合大吵大闹的哦..从来都不会为别人着想的.. 就算你不尊重别人你都尊重下你自己啦!!!
恨的是很不爽,超不爽,你死鬼他妈的我现在很不爽!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
也很好奇为什么你们会来读大学..因为家里钱太多没地方花? 还是因为没有事情做 所以来大学玩一玩?.. 有本事你就用你自己的钱来读..不要浪费爸爸妈妈的钱!!.. 上课几时变成是optional的事? 不是问说, 明天我可以偷懒一天不去上课吗咧, 他们问的是, 明天要不要去上课好咧? 瓦老!!现在惨过学校求你去上课酱哦..鸟你他妈!~ 自己的功课不做,自己想死就自己去死不要害我!! 大把时间不做,一直在那边浪费时间, 到最后一秒都不舍得做, 9 点 要交, 8点多才起来画.. 拜托!! 如果这个是个人的功课我管到你去死..group work 来的咧!!! 每次就是给你们这种人害到!!!真的很奇怪! 真的不懂为什么每次这种人都死不去的.. 我那么努力, 那么认真,那么费劲心思去做..你们几分钟copy了gao dim 分数还比我高.. 真的很难过咯!!!!...真的接受不到咯!!!!!! 有时真的觉得上天很不公平,那些每天吃喝玩乐, 不用功, 不努力的人.. 随随便便轻易的就可以拥有很多..顺顺利利的过着每一天... 我和我的家人..每天拼死拼活, 绞尽脑汁的想要好好的过生活...那么那么的努力..那么那么的坚持..结果都还是普普通通的过..我真的是上辈子欠你是不是? 所以你这辈子一直折磨我.. 如果真的是那样..那拜托,下辈子对我好一点!!!...这样的话至少我还觉得这个世界是公平的..
一年半...忍了一年半现在终于写出来,讲出来.. 没有别的意思..纯粹为了发泄.. 最近真的压力太大了..失常了...也真的脾气越来越不好了.. 一切的好耐性都被磨光了.. 打完出来心里好多了.. 还有三年要继续忍..希望我不会得忧郁症或是躁郁症就好啊~ 阿弥陀佛!!~ Amen !~
2011年12月27日星期二
2010年11月19日星期五
2010年9月22日星期三
here come again that feeling...
here come again that feeling...
the stressful feeling of living with those city citizens...
not because of their attitudes
but just the self-competition mentality of myself...
It was not that I want to competitive with them...
but it is easy to see how far our level different from...
quite stress every time when seeing or knowing their level...
whatever in any aspects...
everytime saw their works and coursework...
make me to have a guilty consciences and lacking in confidence...
and one important things is the ability of language...
all come from english speaking society and know lot of things except me...
the one who from small town....
didnt dare to speak also...when compare their works and essay with mine...
is just like a worlds apart different...
they good in chinese and malay too...and me...
only know the mother tongue...
I choose myself for this course and I nearly forget why I choose this...
and the most important things is that I din take serious at any class and exam...
I dont know why I become like this and I really hate this...
when u know the difference but didnt work harder to catch up with it...
ya,,,that is me,,,keep on repeating the same fault even though I know and I hate it...
Why I just be like this?I really Hate myself for become like this...
but keep on giving myself excuses that I got not method to solve it...
Damn myself,,,...I hate me so much...
the stressful feeling of living with those city citizens...
not because of their attitudes
but just the self-competition mentality of myself...
It was not that I want to competitive with them...
but it is easy to see how far our level different from...
quite stress every time when seeing or knowing their level...
whatever in any aspects...
everytime saw their works and coursework...
make me to have a guilty consciences and lacking in confidence...
and one important things is the ability of language...
all come from english speaking society and know lot of things except me...
the one who from small town....
didnt dare to speak also...when compare their works and essay with mine...
is just like a worlds apart different...
they good in chinese and malay too...and me...
only know the mother tongue...
I choose myself for this course and I nearly forget why I choose this...
and the most important things is that I din take serious at any class and exam...
I dont know why I become like this and I really hate this...
when u know the difference but didnt work harder to catch up with it...
ya,,,that is me,,,keep on repeating the same fault even though I know and I hate it...
Why I just be like this?I really Hate myself for become like this...
but keep on giving myself excuses that I got not method to solve it...
Damn myself,,,...I hate me so much...
2010年9月21日星期二
nearly die on the way back home...
more than 10++ days din update...
but suppose to be many things to talk about at here...
due to laziness?or maybe some other reason...i'm just too tired to type it out here...
login here a few times before this,,,but just logout again and tired to share...
and now...for what i wanna update before...almost forget all...
Firstly,,,what make me here today to update is that
I can now officially announce that,,,ya,,,I have been fully replaced...
yup,,,no more space for me to stay...but at least din got the girl's pics thr,,,or i will be really depressed...
no because of what,,,just because of we r frenz and i thought we r really good frenz,,,
but all is passed...really dislike the feeling of being forgotten or replace...
not because any extraordinary feeling towards anyone...but just i dun like my things being snatch by other...no matter what is it...
i admit that i'm really petty...
i dun like to be a loser or i dun like the feeling of lose and lost...
maybe i just over sensitive towards this kind of things so just let it be...
I don't wanna care anymore...
for the passed 10++ days,,,i just rmb that I've go my bro thr and then we go back home...
my nephew was so happy to see me as same were I..
but he sudden say that,,: "mummy open laptop and saw me on thr"
he just almost thinks that,,,his aunt---me,,,were only can be seen from the monitor...
his words quite hurt me and make me felt sad about that,,,
I'm really sorry about leave him for so long time and din find him...
this time goin home had done many things that i wish to done before...
get the chances goin out with my family since we've been long time didnt goin out tgt...brought new shoes finally,,,meeting my secondary schoolmates,,,eat many things that i wanna eat before...^^
quite satisfied for this time trip back to home...
but the same problem occur again...when me and my bro back from our hometown...
the car got problem again...and it just seem like crazy car on the way...
160km/h we drove from near pagoh to melaka...or the car will stop thr and cant start engine anymore...
fortunately...we successfully reached melaka's car workshop and safely return here...
and there again the problem threatening me and my bro's life...
and one things that make me angry till fell like curse that stupid malay babi is that
when our car is just like goin crazy and we have to drive as fast as we can so that we wont die on half-way,,,and we were already open the double-signal light,...
many cars have give way to us to pass,,,but that stupid malay babi,,,my bro ad using the high light flash to give him signal and also horn for long time...he DUN WANT TO GIVE WAY TO US!...he saw our signal ad but he just done it purposely coz i can saw him from the window that he had saw us but just purposely wanna holding us at his back and dun let us pass him with that lansi face!!
I was really really angry and HATE anyone that dont care about me and my family safety!
at that time too...got a Perodua Kancil in front him and that kancil saw us ad and he/she wanna give way to us so he/she light up his/her left-signal light and when that Kancil wanna move to the left...that stupid malay babi sudden speed up and move to the left to overtake the Kancil...and then back to the way front of us!!!!! It just almost crash that Kancil!...
WHY...I really dun noe why he saw our double signal and HE DUN WANT give us a way to go but still doing so lansi thing?!!!!
I told u,,,is luckily me and my bro can safely back here...if anything happen that day on the way...Ｉ ＷＩＬＬ ＮＥＶＥＲ ＦＯＲＧＩＶＥ ＴＨＡＴ ＰＩＧ！...
but still now although we were safe,,,I wanna CＵＲＳＥ him and all his family on his car that days going to hell soon!!!!!
I'm just really really hate that anyone that harm me and my family safety!
If u harm me only,,,okay...there will be nth...but pls dont do that to my family!
My family is ALL to me...is just damn important to me and i wont allow any of u to hurt them or even injured them!!!
when u do like this,,,have u even think of ur own family?they just in ur car...if ur car broke also one days on the way...and we do the same thing on u,,,WHAT WILL U FEEL?
pls,,,use ur brain before u do anything!...because I believe in faith...U sure will get back what U have done one day...if u dun want other treat like the way u dislike,,,,dun do like to others TOO!
but suppose to be many things to talk about at here...
due to laziness?or maybe some other reason...i'm just too tired to type it out here...
login here a few times before this,,,but just logout again and tired to share...
and now...for what i wanna update before...almost forget all...
Firstly,,,what make me here today to update is that
I can now officially announce that,,,ya,,,I have been fully replaced...
yup,,,no more space for me to stay...but at least din got the girl's pics thr,,,or i will be really depressed...
no because of what,,,just because of we r frenz and i thought we r really good frenz,,,
but all is passed...really dislike the feeling of being forgotten or replace...
not because any extraordinary feeling towards anyone...but just i dun like my things being snatch by other...no matter what is it...
i admit that i'm really petty...
i dun like to be a loser or i dun like the feeling of lose and lost...
maybe i just over sensitive towards this kind of things so just let it be...
I don't wanna care anymore...
for the passed 10++ days,,,i just rmb that I've go my bro thr and then we go back home...
my nephew was so happy to see me as same were I..
but he sudden say that,,: "mummy open laptop and saw me on thr"
he just almost thinks that,,,his aunt---me,,,were only can be seen from the monitor...
his words quite hurt me and make me felt sad about that,,,
I'm really sorry about leave him for so long time and din find him...
this time goin home had done many things that i wish to done before...
get the chances goin out with my family since we've been long time didnt goin out tgt...brought new shoes finally,,,meeting my secondary schoolmates,,,eat many things that i wanna eat before...^^
quite satisfied for this time trip back to home...
but the same problem occur again...when me and my bro back from our hometown...
the car got problem again...and it just seem like crazy car on the way...
160km/h we drove from near pagoh to melaka...or the car will stop thr and cant start engine anymore...
fortunately...we successfully reached melaka's car workshop and safely return here...
and there again the problem threatening me and my bro's life...
and one things that make me angry till fell like curse that stupid malay babi is that
when our car is just like goin crazy and we have to drive as fast as we can so that we wont die on half-way,,,and we were already open the double-signal light,...
many cars have give way to us to pass,,,but that stupid malay babi,,,my bro ad using the high light flash to give him signal and also horn for long time...he DUN WANT TO GIVE WAY TO US!...he saw our signal ad but he just done it purposely coz i can saw him from the window that he had saw us but just purposely wanna holding us at his back and dun let us pass him with that lansi face!!
I was really really angry and HATE anyone that dont care about me and my family safety!
at that time too...got a Perodua Kancil in front him and that kancil saw us ad and he/she wanna give way to us so he/she light up his/her left-signal light and when that Kancil wanna move to the left...that stupid malay babi sudden speed up and move to the left to overtake the Kancil...and then back to the way front of us!!!!! It just almost crash that Kancil!...
WHY...I really dun noe why he saw our double signal and HE DUN WANT give us a way to go but still doing so lansi thing?!!!!
I told u,,,is luckily me and my bro can safely back here...if anything happen that day on the way...Ｉ ＷＩＬＬ ＮＥＶＥＲ ＦＯＲＧＩＶＥ ＴＨＡＴ ＰＩＧ！...
but still now although we were safe,,,I wanna CＵＲＳＥ him and all his family on his car that days going to hell soon!!!!!
I'm just really really hate that anyone that harm me and my family safety!
If u harm me only,,,okay...there will be nth...but pls dont do that to my family!
My family is ALL to me...is just damn important to me and i wont allow any of u to hurt them or even injured them!!!
when u do like this,,,have u even think of ur own family?they just in ur car...if ur car broke also one days on the way...and we do the same thing on u,,,WHAT WILL U FEEL?
pls,,,use ur brain before u do anything!...because I believe in faith...U sure will get back what U have done one day...if u dun want other treat like the way u dislike,,,,dun do like to others TOO!
2010年9月8日星期三
不甘心...为什么总是被取代
被取代的感觉真的不好受
不知道为什么，就像我哥说的
有种不甘心的感觉...真的没有想过
为什么，我们家的人总是比别人差
并不是人格上的差异，而是在做任何事情和物质上的差异
别人轻而易举就能做到就能拥有的东西
我们总是要花上很久的时间，费心费力的也只得到了那一点
是我们的命运吗？为什么总是那样？？
我哥不甘心不服输的是，为什么别人不需要付出努力
或是任何代价就能轻易的拥有自己的车，自己的事业，自己的产业
而我们总是在付出了很多很多的努力在很久很久之后才有二手的
他不甘心为什么我们拥有的东西总是二手的
而我，我不甘心是因为为什么每次在我付出了很大很大的努力
很用心很用心做到自己自以为很不错很满意的东西的时候
别人总是做得比我好...就算只是轻而易举的去完成...
天份，我讨厌这东西！
它重来就没在我身上出现过！
每次在我对自己的作品或某些事感到很满意时
一看见别人的作品马上心碎...我做的是什么啊...
比较起来根本什么也不是，只是在他们其中最基础最普通的
就和我的人一样，往往是最普通最容易被遗忘的那个
我讨厌在我付出了很多很多的时候并不被珍惜
因为根本没人觉得你是好的
也许对他们来说根本不算什么
我是多么认真的把你们当真心朋友对待
然而我的位子却又是那么轻易的被取代
我讨厌那感觉！超讨厌！...
在我费尽心思的想让大家熟悉点
让班上的同学都认识，都做朋友
然而，这点是做到了
之前所谓的不同region的朋友，现在大家都互相认识了
也比较有话题了
而我却被取代了...
曾经每一个region都是我混到最熟，跟他们最好
然而，好心的希望大家都认识热闹点，介绍多点朋友给大家认识
得到的下场时，他们各自变熟了，而我被遗忘了
我就这样竟然成了和他们最不熟悉的那个...
这就是我的命？从以前到现在一直都那样...
那感觉真的不好受，
看着自己的地位和待遇，以前发生在自己身上的事
一模一样的发生在另一个人生上
对象却不是我...超失落超失望的...
从来就没有人想过我的感受也没有人想要了解过我的感受
我是多么的希望被人看穿我的懦弱，然而有从来没有人重视过我...
这就是我们的命运...永远的老二...总是被人排在最后...
从没有被聚焦过...
唯一的那一点渴望那一点渴求
也只能随着时间慢慢的让自己淡忘
因为它不曾实现过...
你真的不知道你的一个态度可以伤我很深...
不知道为什么，就像我哥说的
有种不甘心的感觉...真的没有想过
为什么，我们家的人总是比别人差
并不是人格上的差异，而是在做任何事情和物质上的差异
别人轻而易举就能做到就能拥有的东西
我们总是要花上很久的时间，费心费力的也只得到了那一点
是我们的命运吗？为什么总是那样？？
我哥不甘心不服输的是，为什么别人不需要付出努力
或是任何代价就能轻易的拥有自己的车，自己的事业，自己的产业
而我们总是在付出了很多很多的努力在很久很久之后才有二手的
他不甘心为什么我们拥有的东西总是二手的
而我，我不甘心是因为为什么每次在我付出了很大很大的努力
很用心很用心做到自己自以为很不错很满意的东西的时候
别人总是做得比我好...就算只是轻而易举的去完成...
天份，我讨厌这东西！
它重来就没在我身上出现过！
每次在我对自己的作品或某些事感到很满意时
一看见别人的作品马上心碎...我做的是什么啊...
比较起来根本什么也不是，只是在他们其中最基础最普通的
就和我的人一样，往往是最普通最容易被遗忘的那个
我讨厌在我付出了很多很多的时候并不被珍惜
因为根本没人觉得你是好的
也许对他们来说根本不算什么
我是多么认真的把你们当真心朋友对待
然而我的位子却又是那么轻易的被取代
我讨厌那感觉！超讨厌！...
在我费尽心思的想让大家熟悉点
让班上的同学都认识，都做朋友
然而，这点是做到了
之前所谓的不同region的朋友，现在大家都互相认识了
也比较有话题了
而我却被取代了...
曾经每一个region都是我混到最熟，跟他们最好
然而，好心的希望大家都认识热闹点，介绍多点朋友给大家认识
得到的下场时，他们各自变熟了，而我被遗忘了
我就这样竟然成了和他们最不熟悉的那个...
这就是我的命？从以前到现在一直都那样...
那感觉真的不好受，
看着自己的地位和待遇，以前发生在自己身上的事
一模一样的发生在另一个人生上
对象却不是我...超失落超失望的...
从来就没有人想过我的感受也没有人想要了解过我的感受
我是多么的希望被人看穿我的懦弱，然而有从来没有人重视过我...
这就是我们的命运...永远的老二...总是被人排在最后...
从没有被聚焦过...
唯一的那一点渴望那一点渴求
也只能随着时间慢慢的让自己淡忘
因为它不曾实现过...
你真的不知道你的一个态度可以伤我很深...
2010年8月23日星期一
I HATE! I HATE! I HATE!!!!!!!!!
SUPER DUPER DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!
I JUST HATE THAT WHEN U REALLY VRY TROUBLE ABOUT SOMETHING THEN THAT IS SERIOUSLY WILL CAUSING LOT OF PROBLEM IF CANT FIND SOLUTION BUT THE OTHER THAT U ASK FOR HELP JUST SEEM LIKE NOT THEIR MATTER!!!!!!!!!!!!
IS THEIR FAULT FOR DIN COMPLETE IT BUT THE ONE SUFFER IS ME!!!!!!!!! ME!!!!!!!
RM8000,,,U WANT PAY FOR ME IS IT?
NO ONE TAKING SERIOUS ABIOUT THIS!
BUT IF I FAIL TO GET THE LOAN....U NOE HOW MUCH I NEED TO SUFFER?!
SEND TRHOUGH THE SUOER DUPER DAMN SKYNET CARRIER SERVICE...
''NEED ONE DAY ONLY THEN WILL ARRIVE AD''...
FUCK UR SHIT!
4 DAYS AD AND IT SEEM LIKE DROP INTO THE SEA!
NOT ANY NEWS!!!!!
IS ALREADY RUN OUT OF TIME.....THEN ASK THE ONE WHO SEND TO ME CALL THE SKYNET OFFICE AND ASK DUE TO I'M THE CLASS ,CANT CALL...
WHAT THE FUCK I GET FROM THIS.,..JUST NOW I'M STILL SLEEPING O...DIN HELP U ASK...THEN I ASK AGAIN....THEN U HELP ME CALL NOW LOH...I'M STILL IN THE CLASS....ANOTHER FUCK A GET ....I DIN ASK O...U ASK URSELF LOH...!!!!!!
~!@#$%^^&*
WHAT TIME AD?OFFICE CLOSE AD AND I NEED THAT IMPORTANT DOCUMENT WHEN EARLY IN THE MORNING OF WEDNESDAY...BUT NOW IS MONDAY NIGHT!!!!!MY POST HELD IN BRANCH...
SOMMORE ASK ME TO SKIP CLASS TO TAKE MYSELF...
HOW I GO THR?WALK?WHAT THE FUCKING CRAP U STILL TALKING?
U THOUGHT HERE IS THE KAMPONG WE LIVE OR WHAT?
HERE IS SELANGOR...HOW BIG IS IT U NOE?
HOW I NOE WHR THE OFFICE AND WHICH BRANCH MY STUFF STUCK AT?
WHAT MAKE ME REALLY SUPER DUPER ANGRY IS JUST THOSE FUCKING PPL IS THOSE WHO CALL FAMILY...
THAY ALL NOE HOW IMPORTANT IS THE DOCUMENT AND WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF I DIN RECEIVE TMR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!BUT WHAT THE ANSWER THEY GIVE ME?
THEY JUST LIKE THT IS UR BUSINESS...NOT MINE...IF U DIE THEN THAT IS URS PROBLEM....NOT MY BUSINESS....
I'M REALLY REALLY HATE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I JUST HATE THAT WHEN U REALLY VRY TROUBLE ABOUT SOMETHING THEN THAT IS SERIOUSLY WILL CAUSING LOT OF PROBLEM IF CANT FIND SOLUTION BUT THE OTHER THAT U ASK FOR HELP JUST SEEM LIKE NOT THEIR MATTER!!!!!!!!!!!!
IS THEIR FAULT FOR DIN COMPLETE IT BUT THE ONE SUFFER IS ME!!!!!!!!! ME!!!!!!!
RM8000,,,U WANT PAY FOR ME IS IT?
NO ONE TAKING SERIOUS ABIOUT THIS!
BUT IF I FAIL TO GET THE LOAN....U NOE HOW MUCH I NEED TO SUFFER?!
SEND TRHOUGH THE SUOER DUPER DAMN SKYNET CARRIER SERVICE...
''NEED ONE DAY ONLY THEN WILL ARRIVE AD''...
FUCK UR SHIT!
4 DAYS AD AND IT SEEM LIKE DROP INTO THE SEA!
NOT ANY NEWS!!!!!
IS ALREADY RUN OUT OF TIME.....THEN ASK THE ONE WHO SEND TO ME CALL THE SKYNET OFFICE AND ASK DUE TO I'M THE CLASS ,CANT CALL...
WHAT THE FUCK I GET FROM THIS.,..JUST NOW I'M STILL SLEEPING O...DIN HELP U ASK...THEN I ASK AGAIN....THEN U HELP ME CALL NOW LOH...I'M STILL IN THE CLASS....ANOTHER FUCK A GET ....I DIN ASK O...U ASK URSELF LOH...!!!!!!
~!@#$%^^&*
WHAT TIME AD?OFFICE CLOSE AD AND I NEED THAT IMPORTANT DOCUMENT WHEN EARLY IN THE MORNING OF WEDNESDAY...BUT NOW IS MONDAY NIGHT!!!!!MY POST HELD IN BRANCH...
SOMMORE ASK ME TO SKIP CLASS TO TAKE MYSELF...
HOW I GO THR?WALK?WHAT THE FUCKING CRAP U STILL TALKING?
U THOUGHT HERE IS THE KAMPONG WE LIVE OR WHAT?
HERE IS SELANGOR...HOW BIG IS IT U NOE?
HOW I NOE WHR THE OFFICE AND WHICH BRANCH MY STUFF STUCK AT?
WHAT MAKE ME REALLY SUPER DUPER ANGRY IS JUST THOSE FUCKING PPL IS THOSE WHO CALL FAMILY...
THAY ALL NOE HOW IMPORTANT IS THE DOCUMENT AND WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF I DIN RECEIVE TMR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!BUT WHAT THE ANSWER THEY GIVE ME?
THEY JUST LIKE THT IS UR BUSINESS...NOT MINE...IF U DIE THEN THAT IS URS PROBLEM....NOT MY BUSINESS....
I'M REALLY REALLY HATE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2010年7月28日星期三
farewell day...
真的好久没来更新了
不是没有内容更新
而是想说的话太多，懒得写出来...
这两个星期真的发生了很多事情
我的大学生涯啊，刚开始习惯，陪我一起来的朋友就说不想读了要回去了
退学手续都办好了，这星期就要离开了
过后的生活会是怎么样的呢？
还真不敢去想象...一个人的我要怎么过才好？
之前的心情真的是很复杂，很郁闷也很生气
气他为什么每次都是半路逃跑...
现在好多了...只是很担心接下来的四年要怎么的去过？
幸好我哥现在上来这里工作了，虽然有点距离，
但至少当有事情发生的时候，还有人可以救我 >.<
这几天的生活和心情变化很大
大到我有点分不清哪个是真哪个是假...
那些朋友呢，到底是真心的还是因为我还有利用价值才和我在一起的？
有时候觉得他们人很好，还很照顾我帮忙我...
可是有时候，从他们的谈话，眼神和行为...
又让我不禁怀疑朋友的价值和定义...
也许是我自以为我自己很了解他们
可是从头到尾，对他们一点都不熟悉...
毕竟，我也不知道他们原本是怎么样的人...
虽然才认识两个月，还蛮要好的
可是现在在一起时的气氛，心情和态度真的跟之前刚认识的时候差好多...
这之间的差别真的让我很好奇，他们到底有没有把我们当作真心的朋友来看待？
还是只是普通认识的朋友罢了？
也许是我们这些小地方来的人比较单纯也比较朴实吧
在大城市里的生活真的让人有压力...
每一个见面的人，你都不知道他真正的样子...
就算知道也未必就是那个你认识的他
有时候会以为自己很了解他们
可是有时候却也并非如此...
我是很真心的把他们当朋友
可是他们现在给我的感觉是，因为之前没有朋友所以认识了就会常在一起
可是现在他们开始熟悉了，也有了新的朋友
我们就再也不重要了
现在的我的存在只是一座临时搭建的桥梁...
用来连接他们两个男生和其他女生交朋友的联系
从中扮演翻译的角色...
似乎，当两组人马便熟悉了以后
我这座临时桥梁就会被抛弃了...
可能人真的很难去了解另外一个人
也很难去知道他们到底在想什么
所以才会那么的疑惑...
看着他们跟越来越多人要好时
是吃醋吗？还是心理不平衡？
我不知道...就是会有不好的感觉...
会有点不舒服不开心...
我不喜欢自己的东西被人抢走的感觉...
从以前就一直这样
我先认识的人，我先得到的东西
最后都是跟别人比较好或是被抢走...
可能以为这样所以会不喜欢他们去认识其他的人
可是who cares...who will care about how i feel?
现在的我只剩一个人,虽然又开始认识其他朋友
可是感觉上都会是不长久的
也许，慢慢的我会变回以前那个孤僻的我吧
就自己一个人静静的上课就好...
不需要朋友...
之前把朋友看的太重
现在的我只要有家人就好了
家人就是我的一切...
朋友之间的游戏，有点想退出了
不需要去争什么...就让你们去变要好吧
我想clear掉一些不必要的关系了...
也许自己过会更好...
今天帮要离开的朋友办了一个小型的同学聚会
至少让他不会有遗憾的回去
可是，并没有想象中的热闹
更没有想象中的好玩
一切都只有一个字可以形容－－－冷
其他人也许觉得很好玩...
可是对我和静来说，真的好闷噢...
还蛮失望的...
也许是把一切相想得太美好
所以当结果不能像想象中一样时就会很失望
也许一开始就不该期望，因为没有期望才不会失望
更不会受伤害...
可是还是一直的重复期望着会有什么不一样的东西发生
也许，命运就是爱作弄我吧...
这个星期以后就会是我一个人的生活了
会是怎么的一个样子呢？
连我自己都不敢去揣测...
当然会很害怕，但希望我可以很好的克服这一切
不要再把任何事情看的那么重了，
因为一切都不值得...
这里不是我们该存在的地方
大城市的人都是以自我为中心
也不会顾虑到别人感受的人
任何事都好像一定要有目的才可以去进行
连交朋友也一样...
这样的人好可怕...
难道一切就不能单纯点？
说的话一定要有含义？有暗示？
我不喜欢拐弯抹角
我所说的和我想说的都只是直接的表达我的想法
所以拜托你们不要想太多...
我的个性就是这样
我只是单纯的说我想说的东西罢了
也只是单纯的很爱玩，可以玩很疯
拜托不要误会我在接近你们＝＝
PS:今年真的不适合出门，是第几次了啊？车在半路有问题...星期天要回来这里时半路爆胎了...
现在都还没弄好呢，有点担心...
不是没有内容更新
而是想说的话太多，懒得写出来...
这两个星期真的发生了很多事情
我的大学生涯啊，刚开始习惯，陪我一起来的朋友就说不想读了要回去了
退学手续都办好了，这星期就要离开了
过后的生活会是怎么样的呢？
还真不敢去想象...一个人的我要怎么过才好？
之前的心情真的是很复杂，很郁闷也很生气
气他为什么每次都是半路逃跑...
现在好多了...只是很担心接下来的四年要怎么的去过？
幸好我哥现在上来这里工作了，虽然有点距离，
但至少当有事情发生的时候，还有人可以救我 >.<
这几天的生活和心情变化很大
大到我有点分不清哪个是真哪个是假...
那些朋友呢，到底是真心的还是因为我还有利用价值才和我在一起的？
有时候觉得他们人很好，还很照顾我帮忙我...
可是有时候，从他们的谈话，眼神和行为...
又让我不禁怀疑朋友的价值和定义...
也许是我自以为我自己很了解他们
可是从头到尾，对他们一点都不熟悉...
毕竟，我也不知道他们原本是怎么样的人...
虽然才认识两个月，还蛮要好的
可是现在在一起时的气氛，心情和态度真的跟之前刚认识的时候差好多...
这之间的差别真的让我很好奇，他们到底有没有把我们当作真心的朋友来看待？
还是只是普通认识的朋友罢了？
也许是我们这些小地方来的人比较单纯也比较朴实吧
在大城市里的生活真的让人有压力...
每一个见面的人，你都不知道他真正的样子...
就算知道也未必就是那个你认识的他
有时候会以为自己很了解他们
可是有时候却也并非如此...
我是很真心的把他们当朋友
可是他们现在给我的感觉是，因为之前没有朋友所以认识了就会常在一起
可是现在他们开始熟悉了，也有了新的朋友
我们就再也不重要了
现在的我的存在只是一座临时搭建的桥梁...
用来连接他们两个男生和其他女生交朋友的联系
从中扮演翻译的角色...
似乎，当两组人马便熟悉了以后
我这座临时桥梁就会被抛弃了...
可能人真的很难去了解另外一个人
也很难去知道他们到底在想什么
所以才会那么的疑惑...
看着他们跟越来越多人要好时
是吃醋吗？还是心理不平衡？
我不知道...就是会有不好的感觉...
会有点不舒服不开心...
我不喜欢自己的东西被人抢走的感觉...
从以前就一直这样
我先认识的人，我先得到的东西
最后都是跟别人比较好或是被抢走...
可能以为这样所以会不喜欢他们去认识其他的人
可是who cares...who will care about how i feel?
现在的我只剩一个人,虽然又开始认识其他朋友
可是感觉上都会是不长久的
也许，慢慢的我会变回以前那个孤僻的我吧
就自己一个人静静的上课就好...
不需要朋友...
之前把朋友看的太重
现在的我只要有家人就好了
家人就是我的一切...
朋友之间的游戏，有点想退出了
不需要去争什么...就让你们去变要好吧
我想clear掉一些不必要的关系了...
也许自己过会更好...
今天帮要离开的朋友办了一个小型的同学聚会
至少让他不会有遗憾的回去
可是，并没有想象中的热闹
更没有想象中的好玩
一切都只有一个字可以形容－－－冷
其他人也许觉得很好玩...
可是对我和静来说，真的好闷噢...
还蛮失望的...
也许是把一切相想得太美好
所以当结果不能像想象中一样时就会很失望
也许一开始就不该期望，因为没有期望才不会失望
更不会受伤害...
可是还是一直的重复期望着会有什么不一样的东西发生
也许，命运就是爱作弄我吧...
这个星期以后就会是我一个人的生活了
会是怎么的一个样子呢？
连我自己都不敢去揣测...
当然会很害怕，但希望我可以很好的克服这一切
不要再把任何事情看的那么重了，
因为一切都不值得...
这里不是我们该存在的地方
大城市的人都是以自我为中心
也不会顾虑到别人感受的人
任何事都好像一定要有目的才可以去进行
连交朋友也一样...
这样的人好可怕...
难道一切就不能单纯点？
说的话一定要有含义？有暗示？
我不喜欢拐弯抹角
我所说的和我想说的都只是直接的表达我的想法
所以拜托你们不要想太多...
我的个性就是这样
我只是单纯的说我想说的东西罢了
也只是单纯的很爱玩，可以玩很疯
拜托不要误会我在接近你们＝＝
PS:今年真的不适合出门，是第几次了啊？车在半路有问题...星期天要回来这里时半路爆胎了...
现在都还没弄好呢，有点担心...
2010年4月26日星期一
厌恶,厌烦,憎恨,讨厌...烦啊!!!~
真的很烦!烦啊!~
我讨厌小孩!!!!绝顶的讨厌!~
烦死人...我从来没看过那么讨人厌的小孩!
我真的超讨厌我表姐的那五个小孩!
比别人顽皮,又比别人叽喳,又死爱做出那种讨人厌的脸!
没有一个是正常的!我也很好奇他到底是怎么教的!
人家是开店做生意的地方,不是你的休闲场所或是游乐场所
竟然可以差不多天天带那么多人来吵来闹,四五个小孩在外面到处跑
顾客进来看到几奇怪,外面经过的人也还以为是什么地方来的!
自己几个大人就在里面聊天讲八卦,自己的小孩都不用看哦?
又不是不知道自己的小孩有多'惹人爱'...
一个出名大声公,一大堆废话又吵死人,又死爱面子;
一个是很有心机,每次来骗吃和抢我外甥的玩具故意弄他吵,有时还会偷打他;
一个像是智障儿,说着一大堆外星语,5岁了还会在学校大便在裤子,又不舍得带他去看医生,就赖是什么牛鬼蛇神的...只会去问神...说到底搞不好是妈妈本身的问题
另外两个是去到哪里都给人骂,从小就被带去赌博馆,粗话会一大堆,脾气又倔强,还会偷钱,不过这不可以怪他们,因为从小父母离异,没人教才会那样...
就是这五个人...从小看着他们大...
也就因为那样,从以前很喜欢小朋友,很会容忍他们,很有耐性的跟他们玩到现在
忍无可忍,脾气越来越臭,也越来越没耐心...因为一再容忍他们却还是那个样子
甚至欺人太甚,以为全部人都要让他,动手打人,玩过火!
九年,九年来一个一个出世,一个一个长大...却一个比一个严重臭脾气不然就是手脚不干净...
真的是把所有的脾气和忍耐性都花光在他们身上,声量也越练越大...
到去年,我的外甥出世了,乖巧可爱,也很讨喜,文静斯文,...
从那时起又把自己的脾气收起来了...对小孩也没那么讨厌了...
可是过后,就因为时常和那三个比较严重坏蛋的小孩相处...
我的外甥也越变越可怕,那三个竟然教坏他!
害得我的外甥,现在也是每天乱喊乱叫,乱发脾气,随地乱丢东西,不管是垃圾还是重要的东西,手也越来越多...一直去搬东西然后把全部弄乱乱丢...
直接让我彻底的讨厌那三个!连这个小外甥也越来越无法忍受了!
真的好讨厌小孩!~很奇怪为什么见过那么多小孩,从来没有像那三个那么坏的!
甚至到了一听到声音就讨厌!就很排斥的那种!而且不止我这样罢了
我的姐姐,妹妹,所有见过他们的人都会很讨厌他们!
我真的快被小孩逼得快得忧郁症和躁郁症了啦!!!!
我讨厌小孩!!!!绝顶的讨厌!~
烦死人...我从来没看过那么讨人厌的小孩!
我真的超讨厌我表姐的那五个小孩!
比别人顽皮,又比别人叽喳,又死爱做出那种讨人厌的脸!
没有一个是正常的!我也很好奇他到底是怎么教的!
人家是开店做生意的地方,不是你的休闲场所或是游乐场所
竟然可以差不多天天带那么多人来吵来闹,四五个小孩在外面到处跑
顾客进来看到几奇怪,外面经过的人也还以为是什么地方来的!
自己几个大人就在里面聊天讲八卦,自己的小孩都不用看哦?
又不是不知道自己的小孩有多'惹人爱'...
一个出名大声公,一大堆废话又吵死人,又死爱面子;
一个是很有心机,每次来骗吃和抢我外甥的玩具故意弄他吵,有时还会偷打他;
一个像是智障儿,说着一大堆外星语,5岁了还会在学校大便在裤子,又不舍得带他去看医生,就赖是什么牛鬼蛇神的...只会去问神...说到底搞不好是妈妈本身的问题
另外两个是去到哪里都给人骂,从小就被带去赌博馆,粗话会一大堆,脾气又倔强,还会偷钱,不过这不可以怪他们,因为从小父母离异,没人教才会那样...
就是这五个人...从小看着他们大...
也就因为那样,从以前很喜欢小朋友,很会容忍他们,很有耐性的跟他们玩到现在
忍无可忍,脾气越来越臭,也越来越没耐心...因为一再容忍他们却还是那个样子
甚至欺人太甚,以为全部人都要让他,动手打人,玩过火!
九年,九年来一个一个出世,一个一个长大...却一个比一个严重臭脾气不然就是手脚不干净...
真的是把所有的脾气和忍耐性都花光在他们身上,声量也越练越大...
到去年,我的外甥出世了,乖巧可爱,也很讨喜,文静斯文,...
从那时起又把自己的脾气收起来了...对小孩也没那么讨厌了...
可是过后,就因为时常和那三个比较严重坏蛋的小孩相处...
我的外甥也越变越可怕,那三个竟然教坏他!
害得我的外甥,现在也是每天乱喊乱叫,乱发脾气,随地乱丢东西,不管是垃圾还是重要的东西,手也越来越多...一直去搬东西然后把全部弄乱乱丢...
直接让我彻底的讨厌那三个!连这个小外甥也越来越无法忍受了!
真的好讨厌小孩!~很奇怪为什么见过那么多小孩,从来没有像那三个那么坏的!
甚至到了一听到声音就讨厌!就很排斥的那种!而且不止我这样罢了
我的姐姐,妹妹,所有见过他们的人都会很讨厌他们!
我真的快被小孩逼得快得忧郁症和躁郁症了啦!!!!
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